When I first heard of a Celebrity High Dive Show, I wondered which stars would be diving? I couldn’t believe it when I saw a commercial featuring Louie Anderson as one of the High Divers! Louie Anderson is one of my favorite comedians, being that he tells a lot of Minnesota jokes, and I like his comedic delivery style. Being from Minnesota, I can relate to some of his jokes. But can he dive?
I missed the Fox TV Show Fox Diving Show Stars in Danger: The High Dive. I was happy to hear that a similar show is coming back, this time on ABC. The High Dive Diving event is coming back with a new name: Splash and the Series Premiere is Tuesday, March 19, 8/7c/. According to the ABC website, “Splash marks the first time 10 celebrities will train and compete in regulation platform and springboard diving at dizzying heights in front of a weekly poolside audience.”
I think Louie will be concentrating on his diving, but in case he might consider telling a few jokes from the High Dive Platform, I came up with some stand-up jokes for him. (All in good fun).
Jokes that Louie Anderson can tell while at the High Dive Platform Edge:
- Why are you all looking away?
- Where’s my fishing pole?
- “Next up is Louie Anderson, performing a front dive with a point value of 2 points”. Hey, I should get extra credit for amplitude! Or fortitude! Or just plain stupid, dude.
- You know, up where I’m from in Minnesota, we have a couple of warm months. Not a lot of time to get in the water and dive and all that. Course we had those cliffs we used to jump off at Taylor’s Falls when we were kids. I used to pretend I had a side ache so I could get out of that. My friends called me a chicken. I guess now it’s time to show them! I can’t chicken out if front of a million viewers!
- Hey, I wonder if this qualifies for the Guinness Book of World Records? Being that I’m big and all.
- My mom from poolside: “Take a look around! See any garage sale signs?”
- My dad from poolside: “Take a look around! See any liquor stores handy?”
- Well, if my figuring is right, I should bounce softly off the surface, kind of like a fishing bobber, you know?
- Back home in Minnesota, there’s still three feet of snow on the ground. Look at me now, basking by the pool, enjoying this sunshine, working on my tan, in the middle of winter. (Looks over the side of the Platform)…Well, Minnesota has never looked so good.
- I have to hand it to the hospitality crew here at the pool, they set up a little snack tray halfway up this long, long ladder. Some little appetizers and cheese. Maybe an elevator would have been nice.
- OK, enough with the jokes. Time for me to make a splash!
SPLASH Celebrity High Dive Line Up
Here are the celebrity divers that are scheduled to appear according to the ABC website: Rory Bushfield, Chuy Bravo, Nicole Eggert, Ndamkong Suh, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Kendra Wilkinson, Louie Anderson, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Drake Bell, and Katherine Webb.
I’m also really looking forward to seeing Greg Louganis, famous Olympic diver (acting as coach). Catch the premiere episode Tuesday, March 19th on ABC.