Divorce can be a very difficult situation. I am going through it myself and have found various ways to keep strong and heal from it. I am sharing this list in hopes that others can heal during their own time of despair.
1. Become a social butterfly.
Don’t stay home and think about the “what might have beens” and “what ifs.” Get out there and socialize with family and friends. They are your greatest allies in this time of despair. I decided to reconnect with some old friends. It feels good getting together and talking about old times.
2. Create a bucket list and start acting upon it.
Create a list of goals and dreams that you would like to accomplish before you “kick the bucket.” Don’t hold back, even if you think it’s too expensive or impossible, still write down what you want to do. My list contains “going back to school to further my writing skills.” I hope to one day have a book published.
3. Write about your experience and share it with others.
Start a blog, write on a forum, or even try writing a book. Sometimes the best therapy is writing. It’s your time to get your feelings out and your personal experiences may even help others heal as well. Even right now as I am writing this, I am feeling better. It’s amazing how good writing can feel.
4. Treat yourself to some retail therapy and a makeover.
Don’t go too crazy and max out the credit cards, but take yourself out and get a makeover. It’s time to reinvent yourself and start anew. This can start with a fresh new look and wardrobe change. I went to Ross and was able to get a couple of outfits and shoes for a very good price. Some of the clothes that I already had would remind me of different events that I attended with my ex, but these clothes don’t associate with anyone right now. It’s a fresh start.
5. Go back to school.
Even if you have a degree and finished school, going back to school can be therapeutic. It gets you out of the house and gives you a chance to meet some new people. Try taking a fun elective class, such as art or photography. Make it non-stressful and make sure you enjoy the subject. I decided to get in contact with the college I used to attend. I found out that I had more credits than I thought I had, which was very encouraging. Now I’m ready to finish what I started. I also hope to meet some people who have common interests with me.
6. Start dating again.
When things are officially over, stop trying to stop the inevitable. You won’t be getting back with your ex, so it’s time to move on. Try signing up for a dating website. Take things slow and don’t rush into anything. I don’t honestly know if I want to start dating again. The thought of it is a little scary to me, because in my mind dating again means the previous relationship is officially over. It’s a little hard for me to come to terms with that right now.
7. Stay single.
For some, dating is not the answer. If your marriage was long, now might be a good time for a break from relationships. Do things, such as going to the movies or going out to eat, without having to worry about bringing along a date. I like this idea of staying single for a little bit. Having always been a relationship for as long as I can remember, I feel this might be something to try out. Maybe I’ll find I’m more productive without being in a relationship.
Don’t bottle up your emotions; let it all out. It’s better to let it all out than to keep it all in. Come to terms that it’s really over. You should feel better after you finally let it all out, and it will be easier for you to rebuild. I kept it in for a little while after I had moved out and every time someone had said “I’m sorry to hear what happened” etc., all it did was make me feel worse and almost break down. Finally, just one night I cried all night and haven’t felt the need to do it again.
9. Talk to a therapist.
Get professional help. Talk to a trustworthy professional. Depending on how you are overall dealing with the situation, this person may even be able to prescribe you a low dose of medicine that can help you cope. Let them know everything and how everything is making you feel. It feels really good talking to an outside source. They can give great advice and it’s a safe place to talk.
10. Be selfish.
Do things just for you for right now. Whether you want to start a new career, go back to school, travel, or continue the same path, it’s all about you right now. Keep your head held high and don’t look at the past, only look to the future. It’s your time to reinvent yourself; it’s your time to do what you want to do. Right now I am doing the things that I want to do. I am writing freelance articles, visiting friends, and working out to better myself — not to please someone else. It’s difficult making the switch for living for someone else to living for yourself, but in the end living for myself seems to be making me happier.