1. Our bad style: In our formative years, playing in dirt was fun, and bathing the worst time ever. So, in essence, we like wearing dirt – this translates into mismatching colors, random calls for sweater vests and socks with our sandals.
2. The way we smell: On average, we weigh about 100 more pounds than our opposite sex. We congest trans fats like vitamins. Things like camp fire smoke, flatulence, and car exhaust don’t bother us. So, in the long run, we stink.
3. Being loud: Most men believe that the key to having attention paid to us is by raising our voices. If we are being macho, like gorillas we must show ourselves as fit as our friends who are simultaneously raising their voices. At a young age we learn how to project our voices effectively.
4. Messy hair: It’s on our head, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Most of us like our hats more than our hair. It takes time to do our hair. If it is cold out, you need a beanie. We read somewhere that mousse is bad for our hair.
5. Gambling: If we win in it big, we can do whatever we want. In Las Vegas, we can do whatever we want as we’re gambling. This isn’t the lottery. It takes skill. The more we try it, the more we are bound to hit it big. Damn this free drink tastes good.
6. Quick to anger: In pre-historic times, there was one simple way to get what we wanted – by bashing things. Seemingly this hasn’t left us, and we prove, time and time again, that it is still written in our genetic code. You got a problem with that?
7. Pride: No one judges a man more than himself. On average, we hold a pretty high view of ourselves. However, if we make a mistake, we picture your brain imagining a lesser version of ourselves, when we know, in our hearts, that the real version of us is much better. This is demonstrated through overt frustration, as we picture what you picture.
8. Crude nature: Men are very comfortable in their own skin. We know our flaws, and are not terribly protective of them. We burp, make gross jokes, fart and brag while doing it. It amuses men to get a reaction while being crude. We are usually smiling while being uncouth.
9. Braggadocio: We know we’re awesome, even if it is clear that we are not. You will never be able to tell us that we are not the biggest studs, because if you saw our daydreams, you would know otherwise. There has never been anyone as cool as us. Sorry if you don’t see it.
10. Rationality (or lack thereof): We daydream. We know that almost all of our daydreams are possible. We may have outlandish ideas, but until we try them, it is discouraging to put them down. Where are your big ideas? Man will forever daydream, and this leads to some really bad impulse decisions. Please forgive us.
11. Always being right: Man thrives on self-esteem. Much of our self-esteem is related to our intelligence, or at the very least being right in our favorite subjects. Nothing takes swifter chips off our block than by being wrong about something. If our being wrong is exposed, how that whittles down our self-esteem! So, in an order to save our self-esteem the damage, we argue until blue in the face so that our self-esteem doesn’t learn that we were horribly wrong – however twisted this may be.