Are you your own BFF (Best friend forever -for those of you who don’t text-like me!)
What do I mean by that?
Women are the chefs, chauffeurs, cleaning lady, Laundromat, Mom, career woman and wife; just to name some of the roles we do in a day! We work all week and on the weekends we either catch up on stuff we didn’t have time to do during the week or we are taking the kids to some activity. Many women I speak with don’t take a minute for themselves. We are taught at an early age that we should take care of everyone else’s needs first and then if there’s time (which there never is) we can take care of us.
Women need to learn how to nurture themselves and make themselves a top priority. We need to show ourselves as much loving kindness as we show others.
I gave a Personal Values class recently to a group of Executive Women at work. I asked them to pick out and define their 5 top values. As the women were discussing some of the values they picked, I asked a question that stopped everyone in their tracks.
Did anyone pick yourself as a top 5 Value?
No one did. No one ever has in any of the workshops I have given on this topic. I always ask that question and ask why no one picked themselves as a value. Most times I hear” I didn’t even think of me” or “it seems selfish” is another one I hear a lot.
We need to show ourselves love, compassion, gentleness and affection and protect them with the fierce protectiveness we would for our loved ones. I ask my clients and students what is important to them. What makes them happy or makes them feel fulfilled? Often times, they don’t know anymore. If they do know, many of them don’t engage in those activities and haven’t for a very long time.
Remember that feeling? You’re somewhere, maybe with friends or family or doing something you love to do (even alone) and you get this overwhelming feeling of ” I don’t want to be anywhere else right now. This is the perfect moment and I wish I could bottle it.”
How often do you feel that way anymore? If you felt that way more often do you think you’d be a better Mom or wife? Having worked with many women on this topic I can safely say you would. You would also be teaching your kids and helping your husband to enjoy that same experience and fulfilled feeling. When you feel it you want to share it.
I do take time for myself. I make myself a priority and do something I enjoy doing at least once a weekend. It doesn’t have to be for a long time or anything huge. I love reading a book in the sun by the pond. My dog, Molly, makes me really happy and I love doing things with her and Dan. I may only get to read a book for 20 minutes but I do it! I plan what I am going to do for myself every weekend. I also encourage Dan to do the same.
I make plans at least once a month to see my friends and I encourage him to see his as well. He loves going home to Vermont and seeing his longtime friends from High School. It makes him so happy and he comes back fulfilled. You can see it! I just told him he should make it a point to go every other month and do this. Our kids are older and there is nothing from stopping him. Do it!
A few years back my Mom was sick, my Dad wasn’t well, work was super crazy, and I had clients who needed me and other family members who were relying on me as well. I felt over whelmed and I could feel I was getting anxious. I made even MORE of a point to make sure I took care of myself. People needed me, I couldn’t crumble now.
I want to challenge you to pick something this coming weekend that you will do for YOU. Not for your kids or your husband, but something that makes YOU happy. I know making them happy makes you happy… what made you happy BEFORE they came along? Something must have? I don’t care if you only spend 15 minutes doing it. Do it!
It could be:
Reading a magazine or book
Taking a bath
Checking Face book and seeing who’s up to what!
Going to a store or mall and just window shop
Fifteen minutes is all I ask.