Can Motown survive this bankruptcy nonsense? As a lifelong resident of metro Detroit, the answer is ‘Yes!”
“How?” you ask.
By turning Detroit into a money-generating tourist destination. No need for higher taxes or bailouts if we can lure people to the Motor City to spend their discretionary income.
But first things first, we must give people a reason to visit Detroit and buy a refrigerator magnet.
Here are three ideas to start the flow of tourists.
Twenty-Two Story Joe Louis Statue
Anyone who’s visited Detroit has seen the giant fist of Joe Louis sitting in the heart of the city.
I admire the art, but to attract millions of tourists it needs one thing – the rest of his body!
Would anyone visit the Statue of Liberty if all you could see were a torch?
Once the statue is built, making money would be a breeze.
Visitors would buy tickets and ride an elevator to a platform where coin-operated telescopes overlook the city.
“Find Jimmy Hoffa,” a sign would read, “He’s out there somewhere!”
On the way down, they’d shop to their hearts desire in the souvenir store, located in the champ’s shoe.
Who would underwrite the mammoth statue?
Talk to Don King – he’s the promoter.
I’m just the idea guy.
Urban Area 51
People love UFOs!
With a little effort, Detroit may become a hotbed for extraterrestrial sightings, luring tourists from around the globe.
Do the accounts need to be legitimate? Ask the tourism officials at Loch Ness.
Interest may be stirred up by posting on Flickr, YouTube, and Facebook.
“Yikes!” a status may read, “a beam of light just hit me in the head and I can speak Mandarin – what’s happening???”
But the sources would have to be credible.
I nominate Michigan Governor Rick Synder to make the first sighting. He seems to be the only person who really wants to help Detroit anyway.
His story of epic enlightenment aboard the mother ship may prompt hoards of people to flock downtown in hope of being vacuumed up into the vortex.
Hotel occupancy may skyrocket, along with the sale of cotton candy.
Running of the Mechanical Bulls
Don’t ask me why, but every year thousands of people flock to Pamplona, Spain to have bulls chase them through empty streets.
Why couldn’t we do the same thing in Detroit? We have empty streets.
As an animal lover, I wouldn’t want to chance any mishaps, such as some buffoon from Terre Haute being gored. So instead of real bovine, mechanical bulls would be released for the trot.
The horn of the beast would stop inches before it entered a participant’s kidney, because of a specially designed chip. The same technology that warns a Ford Edge it’s about to back into a Honda Civic in the parking lot of Applebee’s.
The point is, we’ve got the engineers to make this happen.
We put the world on wheels. We could certainly put bulls in the streets.