You guys have a beautiful thing that got broken somewhere along the line and you gotta fix it like a chiropractor. You gotta give it a chiropractic adjustment. (‘Silver Linings Playbook’)
For those of you unfamiliar with the term adjustment, an adjustment is a technique used by a chiropractor to fix your body if the alignment is out of whack. You function best when your body is properly aligned. Just like your body, your marriage too can get out of alignment at times, and needs an adjustment to function properly again. Here are 5 signs that your marriage may be in need of a chiropractic adjustment and what you can do to fix it.
- You argue and fight all the time—Arguments and fights are normal and happen in all marriages. However, they should not be a regular part of your routine. If you spend the bulk of your time arguing and fighting with your spouse, there is a problem. Figure out what it is you are arguing or fighting about all the time (most likely it’s the same issue) and come up with ways to resolve it.
- You prefer to spend time apart—There’s “we” time, there’s “me” time and then there’s “I’d rather not be around you” time. Okay, I made the last one up, but if your spouse chooses to be alone, hang out with friends (or even the dog) instead of you, that’s a clear indicator that something isn’t quite right in your relationship. Find out the reason your spouse is avoiding you (ask your spouse, don’t assume), as well as what can be done to restore that important “we” time in your marriage again.
- You start to imagine your future as a singleton—Happy couples imagine what the future holds for them together. Unhappy couples imagine what the future holds for them as individuals. Picturing a future without your other-half in it is an obvious clue that something is amiss in your marriage. Explore what may be causing you to think this way. Talk to a trusted person who can help you gain clarity on your feelings.
- You wonder “what-if” you never got married—During difficult times, some spouses may start to wonder what life would be like had they never gotten married (or married someone other than their spouse). Thinking like this is pointless. It keeps you ruminating on a life that didn’t materialize. Worse yet, it can be depressing. Stop focusing on the past and instead focus on the present and what you can do to have a better marriage now.
- You start to entertain the “D word”—Most couples hate to hear the word divorce. It has an ugly sting to it. After all, marriage is supposed to be until death do you part. But when things aren’t functioning well, some couples may start to entertain the thought of divorce and see it as a viable solution. Divorce is complicated, messy and expensive. Don’t go there if you don’t have to.
The Bottom Line?
Sometimes all a marriage really needs is an adjustment to put things back into proper alignment. That adjustment may come in the form of a good self-help book, prayer, mediation, a heart-to-heart talk with a trusted family member or friend or even marriage counseling. Remember, just like your body, your marriage functions best when things are aligned properly, so fix it like a chiropractor. Give it a chiropractic adjustment!