So many – including myself, have complained about getting older. I know I thought I would be 29 forever – stuck in the naïvetés of what I thought was my magical years. Yet here I sit ready to turn 50 and now, when before I would have traded anything to not get old, I know I would never trade my remarkable friends, my perfectly imperfect life, or my family for less grey hair, a flatter belly, no more wrinkles, a tighter butt, perkier boobs, or more money. As I’ve aged, I’ve developed a loving relationship with myself. I am far less critical and lift myself rather than condemn. I am my own best friend which makes me a better friend to others.
I don’t reprimand myself for indulging in things I enjoy or for not getting everything done on my endless “to do” list. I don’t even get mad at myself when I purchase something totally useless just because at that impulsive moment in time I wanted it although that doesn’t happen often. I am entitled to these things. I have worked hard all my life and it is not over yet; I’m not going to shame myself for silly faults.
I have seen dear friends and my dad and sister leave this world WAY TOO SOON who never had the opportunity to embrace the beauty of getting old. So who am I to complain and bitch about all the nuances that come with it? And why would I want to?
I am alive and through the grace of God I am going to enjoy it my way as I age and continue to grow old. If I want to stay up all night playing on the computer (or working) I will. Or if I want to go to bed at 8 PM – guess what – I will? I answer to me and God alone and if God doesn’t care if I sleep in till noon – why should anyone else? I am going to embrace the gift of life I have been given that others have lost and I am going to do it my way. It may not be the right way – but guess what – I will leave this world as we know it with no regrets.
I will cry when I want, grieve as long as I want over lost loved ones, spend what money I have the way I see fit, hug and hang on to my kids for as long as I can, laugh at stupid shit, make some people mad at me for choices I make while making others happy. I will love who I choose and avoid others that are not a blessing in my life. I will remember the great things in my life and forget the less favorable. I will continue to be compassionate and loving to even my own demise because it is who I am. And I am alive!
I am blessed with this gift of life so I will embrace it with all my might as I grow old, gray and wrinkled in honor of my dad, sister, and dear friends who are watching from above and who have paved the way and are waiting to greet me when my time comes.
I am far from perfect and wouldn’t want to be because this world is not a perfect world till we pass through heavens gates. I will continue to teach my children that although we all make mistakes there is forgiveness and always love in my arms.
Be thankful for every gray hair you see pop up, every wrinkle, the sagging boobs and the flabby butts, the extra pounds and growing poor vision. Embrace those aches and pangs that come with aging – embrace them because you are still alive – Embrace them for those who have left your side.
50, 60, 70, 80 and beyond – God willing here I come! ~ Deana (A.K.A. – Baconator)