If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who else can we laugh at? Maybe our Facebook friends since most of them aren’t your real friends anyway? Now, before you hit that “unfriend” button on me, let me be the first to say that I, too, have committed these sins at some point, so I thought it was due time we had a frank discussion about things that we do on Facebook that annoy others, a lot.
1. FB Foodie Enthusiast – FFEs select their meals at restaurants not based on what they like but on how well they photograph. FFEs are easy to spot because they do not allow anyone at their table to eat until every dish has been ‘instagram’d’ and posted. OK, I’m a highly ranked FFE, but who cares, I’ll grow out of that phase right? Annoyance factor = medium.
*The cure? Order a well-done steak and we’ll leave your dish alone. Well-done steaks do not photograph well.
2. Insta-Bragger – IBs do it better than anyone. Example, they want to show off that they got a girl sleeping over without actually saying it? How, they take a morning-after selfie smiling mischievously that “inadvertently” includes something that belongs to her, e.g., a purse (good), bra (excellent). Clever, very clever. Annoyance factor = low.
*The cure? Let it be, it’s half the fun of being on Facebook anyway.
3. FB Hijacking – The desperate act of trying to overtake another’s FB Status Update by replying in a long and sometimes unrelated story in an attempt to direct all attention to them. Example, you just post your summer vacation picture in Italy and the FB Hijacker would come in and comment that his best vacation was in Egypt last year and how he was able to make peace with the universe at the top of the pyramid and then conveniently provide you a link to his vacation album. Annoyance factor = high.
*The cure? Ignore or hide his comment so that only he can see it, this will annoy him.
4. FB Gym Rat – FGRs spend more time on Facebook at the gym than actual working out. Their sole motivation for going to the gym is just so they can check-in on Facebook and post that mirror reflection shot to impress you. Annoyance factor = medium.
*There’s no known cure for this affliction. But if that’s what it takes to get people to the gym, I’m all for it.
5. FB Desperados – The FDs often try too hard to impress the members of the opposite sex, making them look desperate. They quote love songs and poems and romanticize everything in their daily postings (does anyone do that in real life?). Often, they compliment members of the opposite sex with mushy quotes from the internet and direct comparison to Greek mythological gods. Annoyance factor = low.
*The cure? No harm done If you’re the object of his/her affection and just need a quick laugh. Otherwise, just respond with an emoticon of your choosing or a short reply like “tks.” They hate that because in their mind, they think you’ll respond with “Take me NOW!!!!”
6. Photoshopaholic – Photoshopaholics do not look anything in real life than they do on Facebook. All of their pictures are photoshopped. Look for perfect dream-like skin with no flaws or blemishes, something out of a Clinique ad. Annoyance factor = *
*I’m taking the Fifth on this one, due to Self-Incrimination Clause.