When asked “why do you love him/her?” most people answer with they make me laugh, smile, they are so sweet, they are attractive, etc. Don’t get me wrong, all of those are of importance, but what should you be looking for? Anyone can be those things, but I could be sweet to my 9th grade teacher, and make her laugh and smile. What or where does the love come from?
I have believed that I was “in love” three times at least since I was 16. I am 21 now, and from all of the experience I’ve gained in this matter, I feel I’ve earned my place to share my wisdom with others. I did Love the ones I were with at that time, but the things we lacked in our relationship are the things that kept us from ever really being “in love”. Here are the three most important things we should have in our relationships, and if not they are doomed for failure.
Commitment. I’m not talking about a contract. Commitment is binding, a pledge, to entrust someone completely. Now I can understand why people have commitment issues, as I myself have them. Commitment comes with being in love. Meaning you don’t want anyone or anything else other than that special someone without a doubt.
Trust. Trust is a huge deal when it comes to relationships. It is a matter of security for both sides. It is hard to trust someone in a world where you’re brought up with people lying to you. Even in past relationships, if you’ve been cheated on or lied to. It is hard to trust anyone after such betrayal. You have to leave your past in the past to move forward with someone else. You can’t blame them for every wrong you’ve been dealt in the past. You have to trust them. This was the hardest one for me to learn, and all I can say is it comes with time. Forgive those that have done you wrong, and make it right by not doing it to someone in the future.
Respect. You have to respect each other’s boundaries, give each other space, and respect each other’s comfort zone. For example, “Babe I don’t feel comfortable with you getting lunch with Jim on your break. I don’t think he has good intentions.” The other should respect that, and respect your opinion of Jim (Who I completely made up). Maybe your significant other has trust issues, and maybe you do too. That is where you have to have respect for each other, and not do things to make them not trust you.
Eventually with respect and commitment, Trust will follow. Just as enough trust and commitment, will eventually develop a mutual respect, or trust and respect, may in time help each other be committed. These three are key to making a relationship work, and are the foundation of what I believe means to be in love with someone.