The “American Idol” 2013 top four results show aired April 25 on FOX. So which of the talented quartet of girls still in the mix –Angie Miller, Kree Harrison, Candice Glover or Amber Holcomb– found themselves in danger of elimination by night’s end? Read on for a full recap.
The hour-long results show opened with a pre-taped segment featuring the top four ladies singing a private concert for –and with– a group of kids at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. Then the talented foursome burned it up singing Alicia Keys’ “Girl on Fire” for the live “Idol” audience.
The week’s Ford Fiesta spot followed, featuring not just one but four Ryan Seacrests and a quartet of confused girls doing the Ryans’ jobs.
Then the fabulous “five things in 20 seconds” interviews aired. Angie wasted five seconds thinking before saying she hates the color pink, wears heels all the time and eats olives “like popcorn.” Beeep! Only three. Fail! Candice was up next and said she loves SpongeBob, can’t sleep without socks on, loves Drake and adores the color purple. Beeep! Only four. Gail! Kree wasted 9 seconds before saying she’d been bitten by a snake, loves rap, and she sucks. (Really? Man, no you don’t!) But… beeep! Only two! Fail. (Then she asked to do it over and they said no.) Amber was last to go. She likes showers not baths, likes 90 degree weather, was on drill team, was in a play, loves neon green and has her septum pierced. (Okay, ew. What happens when you get a cold?) Ding! The big winner with six!
The first phase of the top four results followed as Amber joined Ryan center stage for a review of her top four performances. Jimmy Iovine thought she did an “A+” job on her round one song, but didn’t care at all for her second pick, “MacArthur Park”. He spouted on about green icing and insisted that he had no idea what the song was about despite the judges’ contrary collective reaction, and said “if America agrees with me, she’s in trouble.” Randy again defended his comments, claiming that “she doesn’t write songs” and “she sang her face off”. So in essence, he didn’t care that the song made no sense. Right. Kree was up next to hear her weekly review. Jimmy heavily criticized her second round pick, “A Whiter Shade of Pale,” calling it “a bad song with corny lyrics” and insisted that “to have a great performance you need a great song, period.”
Up next, “Idol” season 10 contestant Stefano Langone returned. The Hollywood Records recording artist called performing on the show after you’ve already been on it “the easy part” and was especially excited to sing in front of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey while surrounded by girls. (Yes, he actually went on and on about being around a lot of girls. It was… awkward.) Then he sang “Yes to Love,” which wasn’t bad but also didn’t knock my socks off with unbridled awesomeness. But some girls screamed so Stefano was probably feeling good about it.
After a break, Ryan summoned Candice to center stage for more results action. Jimmy noted her “big voice” and said “big voices are hard to maintain”. He thought she should “speak less” and “just focus on the contest.” He thought she played it safe, and told her that he believes in her and “now isn’t the time to back up.” But enough on Candice: he ended by saying he thought Nicki was “sweet on him,” a comment spurred by his disagreement with the judges. Uhm, yes. Of course.
With the nonsense over, Candice got a so-called “recorded” message from Drake (which was pretty much a big fat joke, because the “call quality” was super smooth, and I was like “duh, Candice, he’s backstage talking into a microphone. Come on, girl”). The “recorded” message said “I was so honored that you sang my song” and he called her voice “angelic”. Then he said he thought they could’ve done it well together. I thought she was going to pass out from a fit of wishful ecstacy. And then shazaam, Drake emerged! What a surprise! And Candice just about lost her shizzle. Drake hugged all of the girls, Candice expressed her adoration, the girls joined them center stage, it was pandemonium, “Idol” style. (Not really. It was just sort of awkward. But pandemonium sounds more elegant.)
Then “Idol” went back in time again, this go-round to the season nine finale, which saw Lee DeWyze’s coronation. (Yeah, I know: Lee DeWho?) He talked about his wedding (aw) and how he’s working on his album in the studio. And he also managed to spew more cliches in 30 seconds than I’ve ever heard. Then he sang the first single from said album, “Silver Lining,” which, ironically, is inspired by a cliche. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I’m not sure that even the mystical allure of the White Guy With Guitar could’ve snared him a spot in the top five this year. Just sayin’.
With a whopping 10 minutes remaining, Ryan played the final highlight reel, that of Angie Miller, who completely dominated. Bam. #pow, as Mariah would say. Jimmy said “Angie won the night hands down.” He said her “skin fits better” on the piano, and she should stick with it if she wants to win. Then Ryan had Kieran dim the lights. He said he’d make two groups, one comprised of the top two and the other, the bottom two. He sent Amber and Candice to the far side, and Angie and Kree to the near side. But what did it mean?
After a very long commercial break, Candice and Amber learned they were the bottom two, which sent Kree and Angie on to the May 1 show. After Ryan pretended that either Candice or Amber would get the boot, he revealed that neither of them would get the boot because the judges hadn’t used the season 12 save. All of the 38 million votes cast this week will be factored in to next week’s scores. So in other words, Angie and Kree are thinking “oh heck yes!” and Amber and Candice are thinking “oh, crap.” Well that was a waste of an hour. And to think, I could’ve watched a re-run of “Knight Rider.” Shame on you, “Idol.”
So yeah, if you want, watch the “American Idol” 2013 top four refux on May 1. Because on May 2, someone’s definitely gonna go home.