I’ve been trying to come up with ways to make some extra money using my writing. Examining contests and classifieds, I’ve discovered that poetry is paying out really well, and has a lot of opportunities. Unfortunately for me, I suck at poetry. However, I saw an add for a company called Say It At Your Wedding, and I thought I’d give it a go before work.
The results were not great. Nothing submittable whatsoever. On the other hand, they made me giggle, and I figured at the very least I could share the nonsense and with any luck, my someone else laugh too.
So without further ado, I present to you terrible ideas for wedding vows and quite possibly the worst poetry ever written.
I’m sorry, one more ado. These are not titled. I suck at titles too.
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Every day I spend with you
My love grows steadily stronger
I wish to keep this fire lit
More than one night longer
I pledge to you my life, my love
Your happiness is my own.
Now let’s get through this shindig
I left the oven on at home.
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The rest of our lives can be happy
I married my love true
But once we get out of sight of the public
Those clothes are coming off you
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You are my friend
My lover
My family
My home
My heart
My hope
My dreams
But this suit makes me itchy
I don’t know most of these people
And I definitely hate that one guy back there
So you can definitely tell this day is about you, dear.
You’re welcome.
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Your eyes are like pools I could lose myself in
You skin so divine that it glows.
Your hair cascades down like a beautiful fountain
You’re a goddess right down to your toes.
One day you’ll be saggy
Bags under your eyes.
You’ll forget who I am
And wear diapers.
But I’ll sit right next to you
Patting your hand
My love can withstand your Alzheimer’s.
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No woman can compete with you
You’re gorgeous, witty, and wise
One day I’ll eat those words
When you cut me down a size.
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