I became single again in my mid 40’s. My 10 year relationship/marriage ended when my partner/husband decided he had enough. Enough came in the form of a younger version of me. The reasons aside I found the first few months of being on my own a bit daunting. There was the house, the mounting debt and his empty promises to give me what support he could. I had to cope with being alone and tackling the problems alone. I found that I could do it and that being on my own was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
I Could do Things.
Being with a partner involves discussions and agreements about so many things. My husband couldn’t manage anything on his own. He had to have me with him to shop, garden, clean and walk the dogs. Suddenly I realized I didn’t need to have a discussion if I wanted a takeout meal or wished to join a gym. As long as I could find the money I could do it.
I learned New Skills
Being single meant that everything was up to me as far as household repairs and money. Funny enough I found that I managed both quite well. Since the break-up I have been slowly redecorating and renovating the house we bought. I’ve managed to tile, paint, wallpaper and sand and re-finish the hardwood floors. These are things I could never get my husband off the sofa long enough to even attempt. The finances were another set of daunting tasks. We struggled on our two incomes how was I going to manage everything on just mine. Again, I surprised myself. My husband’s income wasn’t large but I thought it helped. However, I found that he was one major expense in the fact that he had expensive eating habits and hobbies. Once he was gone those went with him. I was able in the first few months to get payment plans in order to start paying back arrears for creditors. I’m far from flush with cash but things are definitely moving in the right direction.
Being on my own meant that I now could make and keep my own friends. I joined our local martial arts club and a gym. I have made countless friends and contact through both and enjoy a nice social life. Often if a partner doesn’t like the other’s friends they get excluded and contact lessens.
Since the break up I have avoided serious relationships. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t date for fun. I’m up front and honest with those I go out with and most don’t mind at all. Being single means you can go out, date and have a good time again. These could possibly blossom into something more but concentrate on getting out and enjoying yourself first.