Should I break away from five-inch designer heels or break my neck? It took just one embarrassing and painful twisted ankle on Christmas Eve and a few weeks of hobbling on crutches to swear off my wannabe-Louboutin platform heels for good. Even celebrities are dropping like flies. Like poor Jennifer Lawrence, stumbling en route to the stage to receive an Oscar. Remember Emma Bunton, who fell off her platform shoes during the Spice Girls’ international come back tour? Lindsay Lohan is as klutzy as me; she has been caught on camera hitting the pavement a number of times. Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Rihanna, J-Lo, models, and Victoria’s Secret Angels galore — even the Australian Prime Minister — have all tripped up big time.
Foot doctors weigh in
It doesn’t take much in the way of a false move, walking on uneven terrain on top of a six-inch stiletto. Podiatrists call it “shoe-icide.” They maintain that the human foot was never meant to be placed in such an awkward position, with the heel raised so significantly, teetering above the toes. Undue pressure can lead to hairline fractures of the long metatarsal bones, sesamoid bones, and phalanges (toes). Aside from those vulnerable ankles, a dislocated midfoot can require surgery. Then, there are bunions, corns, callouses, ingrown toenails, hammered toes. The damage list to the body is a long one. Even without a fall, skeletal deformities and chronic pain can set in.
Ice skates without the ice
The high platform wedges do not bend as you walk. I have had flashbacks to school days, walking around flat-footed at the ice skating rink on inflexible white figure skates with red rubber guards. It felt great to be so tall, but there was a definite disconnect between my head to controlling severe wobbliness from the ankles down. How long will statement shoes last? The heels just keep getting higher and higher. Some fashion trends are just unflattering, like leg warmers, gigantic shoulder pads, butt writing, and torn jeans. Other fashion trends are plain stupid when they are so clearly detrimental to one’s health. But, hey, no one ever said the price of fashion was cheap or that looking good was comfy.
Enter designer consignment
I packed up and tottered off with my nearly new Miu Miu and Christian Dior heels, back to explain my predicament to the high-end consignment shop where I got them to begin with. Maybe they’ll sell quickly and help to put a dent in my doctor and x-ray bills. Goodbye, L.K. Bennetts that I thought I craved. So long, “Sofie” by Pour La Victoire, which I never owned. I am thinking about a pair of moccasin-style G.H. Bass penny loafers from J. Crew — but they’ve just sold out!