I have had countless conversations with many single men and women living in Los Angeles who have confessed that their dating experiences have mostly resulted in casual sex. I’m not alone. And it’s more so the men who prefer casual sex while most of the women want a committed relationship.
Sometimes I think I was meant to be born a guy.
I am dating more than just one person at the moment. They’re all great guys. Most of them are like me, still pursuing our dream careers while working on a job that pays the bills. The other men I am dating are successful and live very comfortably.
The dates all started out with hope to be that one guy. Mister Right. But after the first night of intimacy I knew almost immediately each one was Mr. (for) Right Now. The hope faded.
Here’s part of the truth: I forgot how to be in a serious relationship. Being single for many years has conditioned me to no longer have expectations of getting into a monogamous relationship.
Living in L.A. is the primary fault for my condition. Relationships are secondary, because I have to focus on my career so I can make an income to drive a good car and live in a trendy neighborhood. Survival comes first. Then other needs may be addressed.
Companionship and intimacy are very important human desires. But for many in the city, including myself, there are relationship impediments in L.A. that make casual dating the better option.
- L.A. has too many good-looking men. I’m not ready to claim just one.
- There’s too much to do in the city. Interests may not be mutual or timing might be off.
- The city is so big. Mr. Right likely lives one too many freeway exits out of my way. Not to mention L.A. traffic is unpredictable and frustrating, Traveling long distances have deterred me, like many others, from staying in a committed relationship.
- The city has too many prospects. Being the second largest city in the nation with a population in the millions, it’s difficult to keep your interests focused on just one.
- Not having it all together.
That last reason, not having it all together, is the principal reason for staying single and outweighs all the other reasons combined. If I feel like my life is not almost near perfection, I hesitate to have a companion witness my struggles. It’s not lack of self-esteem. A lot of single people who date often, like myself, have plenty of self-esteem. We just don’t want to be judged because we already judge ourselves too much.
