The “Friends with Benefits” (Casual Sex) Relationship:
Sex is always an emotional and spiritual experience as well as physical regardless of the intention of the people engaging in it. That’s why there is never any ideal “friends with benefits” scenario to be had. Yet we live a culture that continues to bombard us with “casual sex” on a daily basis via television, movies and music.
If it’s advice on sexual relationships you seek, you will never hear the opinion of a 90 year old married couple who have been together for the last six decades; it will be the ramblings of any number of celebrities who have contributed to the deviation of what a sexual relationship was meant to be; which is the physical demonstration of the deepest love between a man and a woman within the confines of marriage.
For the most part, the media portrays casual sex as fun, adventurous and exciting. What it does not show is the negative consequences it has on those who participate in it. Are there any and if so what are they?
In a study conducted by Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Garcia, researchers examining the mental health associations with casual sex reported that participants who were not depressed before, showed more depressive symptoms and loneliness after, engaging in casual sex. Guilt and low self-esteem are other negative consequences reported among some individuals engaging in casual sex.
Casual Sex and Women: (Don’t be just a “piece of meat”)
The lie that the “casual sex” culture has been feeding women for years is that to acknowledge your spiritual and emotional need for love and to be loved as a woman is to deny your strength and independence as a human being. Nothing could be further from the truth.
There is nothing wrong with being a strong, independent woman and that is exactly what a real man wants. However, at a woman’s core, she is spiritual, emotional and hard wired to seek out a monogamous mate that will offer her the security of a lasting, loving relationship. Casual sex does not provide that. By definition, casual sex is “no strings (commitment) attached.”
A woman’s greatest strength rests in the love she has to offer and can only reach its full potential when it is received properly and reciprocated. When a woman chooses to be taken advantage of through casual sex, the results are devastating to her.
If you’re a woman, casual sex will take your strength in that you give love without receiving real love in return and take your independence by making you a slave to a man who wants to USE your body while denying the mind, spirit and emotions that make you human. Hence the phrase, “He’s treating you like a piece of meat.”
Ladies, if a man would not give his life (die) for you, then he’s not worth your time and attention. How can he give his life for you when he’s not willing to engage the mind, spirit and emotions that make you human and commit to you in marriage? I know a lot of guys who like a good steak every now and then. I also know that none of them that would die for that steak or want to have it every meal for the rest of their lives.
Do not choose to be treated like a piece of meat ladies. DO NOT be denied by giving your love away so casually (cheaply) in exchange for nothing. It will only leave you empty inside and alone. A real man will not take anything from you that he cannot or will not give in return.
There is hope: Ladies, there is one Man who has already given his life for you and will never leave you empty or alone. You can meet him here.
Casual Sex and Men: (Don’t be a little boy in a man’s body)
While women seek true love, men seek respect. It’s been that way since the beginning of time. What has changed is what merits respect.
In the past, respect was usually reserved for those in a leadership position and was based on their ability to treat people fairly while influencing and motivating them to success. Anyone can be a leader (man or woman) but the ability to lead properly is something that is taught.
Proper leadership requires putting the needs of subordinates before your own wants. There is no such thing as a natural born leader. It is human nature at birth to fight for what you want with complete disregard for how it affects others. Have you ever seen a class of preschoolers?
What does leadership have to do with sex? Any healthy relationship requires leadership on one or both parts to set a successful tone for that relationship. There is a serious lack of leadership in our culture today in regards to teaching our young men how to lead when it comes to sex.
Today, young men are being taught through television, movies and music that the amount of respect they deserve is correlative to the amount of women they can seduce with their “swag” and the frequency with which they do it. This has produced generations of young men who have never progressed past the “me first” mentality of a preschooler and when it comes to sex, have complete disregard for how it affects the lady or ladies involved. Hence the phrase “He’s little boy in a man’s body.”
The truth is guys, having the authentic respect and love of just one woman for treating her mind, spirit and emotions with respect is worth far more than the fake respect you get from your peers for multiple and frequent “sexual conquests.” You can take my word for it now, or you can take your own word for it later when you’re too old to go to the club, sitting in a dive bar by yourself and wishing you had someone who truly loved and respected you to go home to. That is the result of a life spent taking what you cannot or will not give in return.
There is hope: Men, do not be followers. Be true leaders and learn from the Author of leadership. You can meet Him here.
Sources: Phsycology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201303/sexual-hookups-and-psychological-health