He spoke to me and He said clearly, “you need to recommit to ME”. I asked, “What do you mean?” He said, “Remember the first year how in love you were? You would wake up smiling; you were so excited about us. I miss that.” I said, “Yes, I remember. I miss it too.” He said, “You need to come back to me. We need to get back there.” I said, “Yes, we do, I will like that.”
Next morning, I was thinking about it. How did I get here? I pray every day, I read my Bible every day, I go to church every week, I spend quality time with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am helping others get to have a relationship with Him and become disciples of Jesus. What is missing?
He led me to Revelations 2:2-5. “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place.”
“WOW” I wept. “You are right, I need to repent.” I asked him, “How did I get here?” He said, “Well, people hurt you, life happened, things did not go the way you expected them to go and you thought it was my fault. You blamed me and you thought I stopped caring for you as I did before. I AM the same. You live in a broken world. Life will hurt sometimes, expect it! But, I won’t; I will NEVER do anything to hurt you. I love you. I AM LOVE. I don’t stop what you consider bad from happening, but I am still in control. I can use anything for your good and my glory. BELIEVE ME! I don’t lie, never have, and never will.”
“Ok” I said. “It is so hard to believe sometimes.” He replied, “I know. I will help you, trust me and stop leaning on your limited understanding (Proverbs 3:5).” I said, “But, how do I get back?” He told me, “Seek my kingdom first and what I want, then I will meet all your other needs. (Matthew 6:33NCV)”. I asked, “What does that even mean? What do you want?” He said, “I want you to love me with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-38).” I said, “I don’t know how, I was trying to that is what got me into this funk.” He replied, “I know, because your belief system was messed up and your emotions got in the way. Ask me daily and I will fill you up with my love again and continue to read my Word, that is the only truth you need to believe. Your heart can be deceitful sometimes, stop believing your thoughts and feelings (Jeremiah 17:9). And, have faith! Remember what Faith means being sure of the things you hope for and knowing that something is real even if you do not see it (Hebrews 11:1).” I said, “Sounds very easy when you say it…” He interjected, “And it is easy when you trust me. I can give you anything you want even if you want me to help you trust me or to increase your faith. If you really want to test your faith, take action. You have a part to play, and when you have done your part, no matter the result, your part is done (Luke 17:1-10). I am always working even if you cannot see it. Believe and love me!” I said, “Amen. I surrender, it is hard trying to fight you. I will do as you say.” He said, “Stay close to me, watch and see.”