William Shakespeare who penned the poem, “As You Like It”, wrote that there are seven (7) stages of man. (For the purpose of this article we will call it the (7) stages of man/woman.) Infancy, Childhood, The Lover, The Soldier, Justice, Old Age and finally Extreme Old Age.
There are (7) seven virtues. Chastity, Temperance, Kindness, Diligence, Patience, Charity and Humility. Four of these date clear back to Aristotle and Plato.
If you would like to know what virtues you may possess, and what stage of, “man/woman” you might be in, then the following test is for you.
1. Your third date with Mr. Wonderful is about to end. You know by today’s standards sex is expected. You?
a. Politely thank him for a wonderful evening, leaving him at the door. You put on your PJs’, climb into bed with a good book, then slap yourself upside the head thinking, “Why did I pass up the chance for ecstasy? Good offers have been few and far between.
b. Want him to like you for yourself and not your current lust drive. You kiss him goodnight on the cheek, then head to your refrigerator to have a private affair with the Pillsbury dough boy.
c. Invite him back to your place, where you go 50 shades of horny in the doorway.
d. Give him a lingering kiss goodnight, then run as fast as you can to make a post on your favorite social network site bragging, “I was a tease! I left him begging for more.”
Points > a=4,b=4,c=0=d=3 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Chastity. If you scored below 4, you are simply horny and should consider getting your itch scratched.
2. You are peacefully grocery shopping. You are in the dairy section picking out eggs. While you are checking a carton for any broken eggs, a runaway cart driven by a 7-year-old rams you from behind leaving your left Achilles tendon in severe pain. You?
a. Scream “You little #$%&, where are your parents I’m going to sue them for every penny in your college fund.
b. Give the child a teary evil eye, then continue your shopping with a funny limp.
c. Leave the store immediately to log on to your favorite social network site. You post, “Due to todays slack of proper parenting, I was run over by a demon spawn”.
d. Fall to floor demanding the store manager call an ambulance to take you to the nearest hospital to have your tubes tied.
Points > a=0,b=4,c=3,d=1 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Patience. If you scored below 4, you may choose to work on yourself control.
3. On your way back to your ride, from shopping at your favorite department store, you find a $100 bill. Just then a young mother with 3 very small beautiful children pulls up next to you. She gets out of her car and starts looking on the ground frantically. She tells you, she’s lost a $100 bill needed to pay for her youngest sons eye glasses. You?
a. Slip the $100 bill into your shopping bag, then offer to help her look for it.
b. Tell her how sorry you are for her loss, then rush to make a post on your favorite social network site, boasting, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”
c. Hand it back to her and state, “Here you go. You’re in luck, I found it”.
d. Tell her you are sorry for her loss. Offer to buy her and her children lunch with $100 bill you found and tell her she can keep the change.
Points > a=1,b=3,c=4,d=0 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Kindness. If you scored below 4, you envy the fact she has beautiful children.
4. On your job you have been placed on a new team, that includes the current “Gods gift” to your department. You find his work to be sloppy and he’s rude to customers. You?
a. Put him in his place, by pointing out his weakness’, you exclaim, “I’m the hottest property on this team”. then find the closest vending machine to purchase a honey bun.
b. Go to your boss and declare, “I can’t work with him! Is there an assignment I can do solo?”. Knowing your hard work and fortitude will shine.
c.Wait till your break, then log on to your favorite social network site and post, “I am being forced to work with someone with no work ethic, and I am tired of being the only one that works in my department.”
d. Smile. You know your work will out shine him, and whether you’re on the same team or not, you will be promoted before he is.
Points > a=2,b=0,c=3,d=4 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Diligence. If you scored below 4, you might consider a new career.
5.You’ve been promoted to Department Manager. Before taking on the responsibilities of your new position, you have to train “Susy talks a lot”, to take over your old job. You?
a. Let Suzy sound off. You know she’s just nervous and she has some big shoes to fill.
b. Tell her she won’t be able to catch on until she shuts up. You then excuse yourself to go to the break room to gobble down your favorite chocolate bar, before returning to train her.
c. Go to your new office and log into your favorite social network site and post, “The girl they hired to replace me is incompetent, so I’ll probably be expected to work at both jobs”.
d. Go to your new boss and explain, Suzy talks to much and someone else should be considered for the position.
Points > a=4,b=1,c=3,d=0 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Patience. If you scored below 4, You might consider anger management courses.
6. You just found out your neighbor’s wife has just died of a long illness, leaving him unemployed with two small children. You?
a. Log on to your favorite social network site, you post, “I’m very sorry for my neighbors loss, but they should have managed their money better, now they will just be one more of the 47 million Americans families already on food stamps”.
b. Bring over the fixings for a meal he will have to prepare.
c. Bring over a prepared dish that he can serve now or later. Hand him a card with as much money as you can spare and offer to help as often as you can with his children.
d. You go to your fridge, take a slice of cheesecake. Cry for him and his children, silently praying his situation never happens to you.
Points > a=0,b=3,c=4,d=1 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Charity. If you scored below 4, is it possible that you, yourself need charity?
7. At a friends open house party, you find yourself needing to make a pit-stop in the potty room. You do your business, wash your hands, then head back to the party. Suddenly everyone is laughing and pointing at you. Someone finally yells out. “Your skirt is tucked in your underwear”. You?
a. Turn red with embarrassment, run out the door, stop at your favorite drive through, order enough food for
3 days and tell the cashier the food is not all for you, but for the imaginary company that will soon be arriving at your place.
b. Laugh with everyone. Pull your shirt out of your underwear and state, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend had a butt like me”, while shaking your booty.
c. You slam the door on your way out. You rush home to log on to your favorite social network site and post, “I have been to the worst party ever, and now that’s 2 hours of my life I won’t get back”.
d. Pull your skirt out of your underwear, make a false excuse to leave, rush home, hide under your covers and hope you never run in to anyone that was at that party.
Points > a=1,b=4,c=3,d=2 If you scored 4 you possess the virtue of Humility. If you scored less than 4, give yourself permission to laugh at yourself.
Now please add your total points. This figure will tell you what stage you are at for the Seven Stages of Man/Woman.
0-7 points – You are at the stage of Old age. You feel you have lost your charm, while your personality continues to shrink. You have a secret wish to have done certain things differently in your life. Your past pains from love affairs and friendships have left you with the feeling of ” If I can’t be happy, nobody is happy!” You also love to take tests.
8 to 20 points – You know depending on the circumstances, a loss of discretion or honor may occur. We are after all Human. You are in the stages of Lover, Soldier, Justice. You like to express yourself but have the wisdom, most of the time, to think before you act. You have a secret compassion to help others. You also love to take tests.
21 to 27 points – You are in the stages of Soldier and Justice. You do more for others than you do for yourself and you have the wisdom you’ve learned from past mistakes. You also love to take tests. ***EXCEPTION*** If you scored 1=d,2=c,3=b,4=c,5=c,6=a,7=c – You are obsessed with being a social network butterfly. You are in the stages of Childhood, Lover and Extreme Old Age. You choose to express yourself through posts on the current cultural activity known today as Social Networks. You are dependent on others viewing you in a positive manner. You lack the confidence to exercise your own discretion in certain matters. You also love to take tests.
28 points – You have lied. No one is this perfect. Please go back and retake the test.