Relationships are powerful things, but they are so darn confusing! Reading about them is even more confusing (especially from a guy’s point of view) because most dating books present only one viewpoint of how to get dates and that is “The Perfect Man”.” The Perfect Man” is the guy you always see on the cover of romance books with a six-pack. He is strong, funny, perfect funny ,able to get along with anyone that he ever met (including a prospective’s girlfriend’s family), has loads of money, and has a cool car along with a sense of mystery and danger. While I’m not saying that this couldn’t be someone in real life, the reality is that most men aren’t like that.
As a result of such mis-information, women and men often have wildly inaccurate and overblown fears about dating. Men, and a lot of women, think they need to be that they need to have a lot of money, power, or talent in order to attract the date. The answer couldn’t be farther the truth. It turns out that the simple things, like confidence, are the things that really attractive to women. A man’s appearance has its place, but it is the person inside that will determine if a woman will be interested in developing a dating relationship.
I met Gregg Michaelsen, a dating expert and author, a little while ago when I completed a review of his book, The Building of a Confident Man: How to Create Self Esteem and Become More Attractive to Women . His book was the first one that I read which actually approached dating in a more comprehensive approach rather than just a simple game. Michaelsen argues that dating should focus on your mate and not yourself. This focus, though, can only be achieved if a man already has the confidence in himself.
Because this advice was different than what I knew about dating, I decided to ask a few questions about the errors that men and women make when dating. Below is our conversation.
1. What is the number one mistake that men make when dating?
Wow! We make so many it’s tough to keep track. I interview a lot of women and I would have to say that chivalry and respect come up most often. Guys don’t open doors anymore. They blow the horn instead of walking up to the door and they refuse to pay for dinner.
2. What is the number one mistake that women make when dating?
Guys tell me over and over that women always want to talk immediately after sex. Bad idea. I tell women to save that Q & A for another time.
3. In your own view, do you think dating is harder or easier than in the past?
I think it’s harder. Today is all about indirect contact. Online dating and texting take away the one on one engagement of years past. I find both sexes are more uncomfortable when they have to face each other without technology.
4. What is one step that a man take in to boost his confidence?
Find his passion and pursue it like a honey badger. This makes him a man of value. His time becomes important and positive values become instilled within.
5. What are three things that you could give for anyone who wanted to improve their dating life?
1)Reach out to the pros for help. I say this not as a plug but as guys we don’t want to ask for help especially when it comes to subjects like dating. Directions are hard enough.
2)Learn how the female mind ticks. Once a man understands this ( or comes close, we will never fully understand women) he can react in a way that she will respond to. Guys are like salmon; always swimming upstream into the mouths of bears!
3)Finally, stop making clubs and bars your only social circle. Expand. Lose the idiots and join social circles with people that have common interests!