Depression is a *****.
It often doesn’t take much and it is not unusual for people that suffer from it do it to themselves. Always looking at things from a negative perspective or viewing everything with a hint of paranoia and expecting the worst out of life.
If anything favorable happens, it is just a welcomed exception, but anything bad in our lives just confirms how we feel. What we fear. To be quite frank, sometimes the world is uncaring and is out to get us, so it isn’t always just in our own heads, but we are responsible for the mountains that we have built from the mole hills.
The best and only surefire why I have identified to do battle with my demons is to have somebody in my life that I can lean against when I need help standing. Not to baby me, often it is to tell me how ridiculous I am being, but also to assure me that I am not alone.
I often treat depression in my own, very unhealthy, ways. I have the seen the bottom of far to many bottles, in my opinion, but I enjoy the numbness. I self medicate with alcohol.
The other way, the positive way, is to identify something that you are good at, something others appreciate, and something that makes you feel better about doing. I write.
My father made a living as a writer and he and my uncle have published a book together. I assumed that I didn’t inherit his ability, but I felt like there was something inside of me that I needed to get out. I refer to it as “The Beast”. The Beast is the creativity that is always trying to claw its way out of my soul and it manifests itself in different ways. I feed the Beast with poetry, wood turning, writing, drawing, or anything else that I can identify that makes me feel better about my self.
I found a writing contest through an app and website called “The Novelist” by John Clevesy. On a whim, I threw my name into the hat thinking that it would be fun and I may learn a few things. The contest consisted of writing stories of varying lengths based on a topic (or picture) provided. Each week, I enjoyed writing the stories because it quieted the Beast, but I expected every week to be my last. I won the damn thing. I beat out 18 other writers, with the grand prize being that I get my book published.
My book is finished and is currently for sale on Amazon.com under the title “The Cain Children”. Thanks to the people in my life and a passion I have over a hobby that has helped me, I survive my depression, so far, but you never really get cured. Many only survive and drive through their issues, not for themselves, but for others. I don’t care about me, but I need to be here for others that need and depend on me.
I have identified a few areas of my life driving the stress and depression and I am currently doing my best to divorce myself from them. One is where I work and what I do, I really am finished. As as possible, I will change these things and maybe then I can find that elusive happiness.