The alarm goes off. You feel certain you can’t wake up, yet. Your eyes are at half-mast. Your brain feels like it’s still half asleep. Oh, what a horrible feeling! You push through this every morning until you get that coffee past that uvula.
Knowing the human physiology of the mornin’ blah’s will help tremendously. You see, when you are asleep your heart beats more slowly, so your circulation slows down. The slow circulation reduces the amount of oxygen reaching your brain and muscles. Low oxygen in the brain makes you think less clearly. This is the same reason why people yawn. Yawning gets more oxygen to the brain. When you stop yawning, you often fall asleep.
There are many things you can do to get the heart pounding faster, as well as increase the oxygen-rich blood to your brain. Here are some zany-sounding tips that I use.
I stretch my legs out lengthwise, as well as 3 feet apart, and then I slap my feet together, while still lying flat, in bed. Make sure your leg muscles are tightened like rocks, and then spread them out wide, then tightly together, ten times, flapping like a falcon’s wings. (Making a “Caw! Caw!” noise is optional.)
Now that the blood is moving a bit more, take your fingertips and rub your scalp briskly. Pretend like you are kneading pizza dough! Mix it well! Now, scrub the pan!
Now take the palms of your hands, and rub your ears up and down, and side to side. Make those ear lobes a nice, rosy color! Then do the same to your eyebrows, while having falcon wings again!
Take the tip of your tongue, and tickle the roof of your mouth. Yes, that is what I said. Find the ticklish spot; maybe behind your front teeth about an inch (it’s the “T-Spot”). You should be giggling and becoming awake, by now, but you’re not done! You could get sluggish again. You really need to get more oxygen up to that noggin!
Stand up and put both arms up high like you are going to grab onto a trapeze. Clench your fists tightly, then open them wide, and swing your arms in huge circles. Inhale and hold that oxygen. Exhale, and then inhale, again, slowly and deeply.
Walk to the bathroom while slapping your upper arms with your opposite hands. Lift your knees, marching, and spank your own buttocks (or have someone else do it for, you. I really don’t care.)
Take your hair brush and brush your scalp rather vigorously. It probably will feel pretty good, so brush it a full minute, including the base of your skull, and part of the neck nape.
Now, splash your face with cool water! (… but that really is for the “shock” of it, because we know that we need more circulation, not less, to our brains. Cool water closes blood vessels, so only do it long enough to shock your face. I’m sure you’ve already shocked your overnight guest.)
There! You’re done!
Although sometimes I feel like my face is still somewhat asleep, and I’m tempted to rub it with a cheese grater, I do refrain.
I do tend to have low blood pressure, though. If you don’t feel more awake (and zany) after doing all of the above, you could try drinking more water than you normally do. Dehydration (marked by, among other things, dark urine) can make you feel like a cadaver despite circulation stimulation. (Note: Caffeine is a diuretic; the opposite of fluid replenishment.) Dehydration lowers the blood level, which lowers the blood pressure, and low blood pressure can make you really feel groggy, or weak.* Guess why? Right! Not enough oxygen-rich blood gets to the brain and muscles.
Add your own zany waker-uppers. Have fun with waking up!
*Consider seeing a physician if you experience grogginess with ample water consumption, and body movement. Writer is neither a physician, nor a holder of any medical certification of any kind. She does have a Bachelors of Science (BS) degree, so she is appropriately qualified to dispense a bunch of B.S.
