Now that The Learning Channel has ‘Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo’ and The Mayan Apocalypse has passed thus making half of The History Channel’s programming null, MTV has a chance to become the most educational channel on television. The show ‘Catfish’ has plenty of useful information we may not have learned anywhere else.
1) Everyone you meet online is overweight. People with abs have them for a reason. They have them because they are not sitting in front of a computer all day long ruining their posture while maintaining a fictional life. These people are too busy working out at the gym and avoiding food at all costs.
2) Google Image Search rarely works for pictures of people we know. Put in a picture of yourself into this what appears to be incomplete online stalking feature and chances are at least one nude woman will come up. A picture of me at a zoo staring at a turtle should not match a girl trying to get through college.
3) It is possible to be 30-years-old and have salt and pepper hair. The camera guy Max is still a young guy and already he could be a Jay Leno stunt double. Too bad David Letterman is no longer trying to kill Jay Leno. Max would have the perfect side gig.
4) MENSA members never get fooled into thinking they are talking to strippers online. Not that everyone who appears on this show is highly unintelligent, but none should be trusted to ever heat up Pop Tarts without starting a fire.
5) Women are nasty, men are shy. The majority of women who “catfish” online do it for vengeful reasons because they are unkind people. The majority of men who “catfish” others online do it because they hate who they really are, because they know if the women found out what they really looked like they would be nasty to them. It really has become a cause and effect situation that really takes advantage of Newton’s Third Law of Motion.
6) Skype is free and webcams are cheap so there is a problem if someone avoids them. If someone talks to you for a month and you have not had a live chat they probably are missing important body parts or have extra important body parts, like a third ear were an arm should be. No relationship will ever last if it starts with a lie so try to be your actual self from the start.
7) Victims of “catfishing” forgive way too easily. It is unclear how much of this is for the show and how much is them trying to preemptively clear their names once they do get vengeance by killing the Catfish. Who would ever convict someone in a court of law who appears so forgiving? Hopefully these people are able to forgive being fooled. Perhaps it has happen so often to them in life they have no other choice.
8) People are shallow. Way too many times has a person finally met their online love in person and they rejected them because they were not what they physically wanted them to be. Worst of all, those who did the rejecting were not model material themselves. The world is a hypocritical place and Catfish reminds us of this. Few relationships on the show ever seem to go anywhere once the truth comes out. Granted, many were lied to. Maybe one day people will no longer need to lie to feel loved. When that day comes television will die.