One would think being 27.5 point underdogs would inspire the Jacksonville Jaguars to defy the odds and silence their critics when they play the Denver Broncos this afternoon. Not so, according to many players on their team.
“Look man, maybe we’ll beat someone else this season but we just have to accept we’ll be 0-6 after this Sunday,” said second year Wide Receiver Justin Blackmon. “Dallas scored 48 points last week and still couldn’t beat them. We’re not scoring 48 points. I have two anonymous white dudes named Blaine and Chad throwing to me.
“Maybe, maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get a sack or an interception,” said Defensive Tackle Tyson Alualu. “But it’s Peyton Manning. I mean maybe once they go up 24-0 in the first quarter, they’ll just kneel the rest of the way knowing there’s no way we’re coming back anyway, but other than that I don’t see how we cover the spread.”
Peyton Manning, however, is being very respectful, knowing it’s bad form to bad mouth their opponents. “Look, we don’t anything for granted in the NFL, and there’s a lot of great players on that team.” When pressed by reporters to name which players he was thinking of Manning replied “Just all of them. I mean collectively, they’re a great NFL team. Their Quarterback, Chad Gabbert. Or is it Blaine Henne? Just give him some time and he can get things going.”
Of those quarterbacks, Blaine Gabbert, now considered a draft bust, does not agree with Manning’s assessment. “Are you kidding? Really, I’m not even one-tenth of the Quarterback Peyton Manning is and you expect me to beat him? If I play and not Chad Henne, I’m just trying to limit my interceptions to two. I’m just trying to collect my paycheck until they bring Tebow in or until they draft Teddy Bridgewater or Johnny Manziel or whoever it is that will be a better NFL Quarterback than I’ll ever be.”
Jacksonville Jaguars coach Gus Bradley agrees with his team. “I said to my players I would never ever usually say this. But this is one of those we’ll all go out for ice cream afterwards anyway games. Quite honestly, we’re not going to cover to spread. I’m just hoping we lose 35-0 and not 72-0.” “By the way, do you guys realize I left as the Defensive Coordinator of the Seattle Seahawks. They’re five points away from being undefeated. And I left them for this crap team?” added Bradley.
When asked if there was any hope for the future, Bradley seemed a bit more optimistic. “Well, obviously we’re not beating the Broncos, but not every team we play will be a great team. I think we have a chance once we play the Giants since they’re also struggling.”
When reminded that the Jaguars don’t play the Giants this season, Bradley buried his hands in his face and began screaming “why?”