Many of us have family members that are unorthodox, different, and even dysfunctional. It’s not that you love your family, its just that they may have you laughing one minute, and shaking your head the next. No longer are families perfect like the Bradys, the Cleavers, The Jeffersons, or The Huxtables. They more closely resemble the Bundys, The Simpsons, or even the Braxtons. There always seems to be drama, especially when family gather for reunions and parties. Either way, nearly every family fusses and fight. Some just go overboard.
There are common types of family members that seem to exist in families of many races, classes, and cultures. Here’s a few of them.
1. The alcoholic/drug addict
Let’s be honest, we all have that drunken uncle/aunt/cousin , or the one that just can’t leave the bath salts alone. They are foolish and entertaining, but also sad and embarrassing. They seem to keep things stirred up, and may steal from you to support their habit.
2. The ex-con
We all have a relative that has served extensive sentences in jail and prison. It seems when they are released, they are more praised than the cousin who just received his law degree. Often the ex-con is in and out his whole life, and has missed many of the family functions and occasions over the years. When they are actually out, it seems they are always running some scheme or crime that ultimately lands them right back between bars.
3. The overachiever
Some families, like The Kennedys or The Nelsons, have an overabundance of these. They were top of their class in high school, college, and grad school. They are now successful in their career field, and are often the ones that move far away. They also seem like the family bank, as the broke family members are hitting them up for cash regularly.
4. The drama king/queen
This person always seem to attract various types of drama in the form of children’s parents, abusive mates, poverty, and just always acting up and out. You know when they come around or you see them, things will be stirred up. Often they can be the Alcoholic/Drug Addict or even the Ex-Con. At best, they’re always whining and crying about something. They are never satisfied.
5. The religious freak
There’s always the person that loves God, or even Allah, to the extreme. They are in church service weekly, witnessing, leading a clean life, and chastising those who do not. This also includes Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, and Muslims, who try to convince you that their way is the only way. They have converted from what they were raised to believe, and want you to do the same.
6. The family rock
This is typically a family elder, or one of the more responsible family members. They are the glue that holds even most the dysfunctional of families together. Their house is often the location for family cookouts, birthday parties , and other various family functions.
7. The family musician
They are always promoting their latest CD, or have their guitar and microphone, ready for a live performance. Some of them are really talented, and may have played at the Essence Music Festival, or opened for Jay-Z or Colt Ford. However, many of them think they’re the next great thing in music when they can’t even sing karaoke.
8. The hustler
This person often works multiple jobs and has various income sources, legal and illegal. They are into pyramid schemes heavy, run parlay cards and pools, sell weed and other drugs, or simply mow folk’s lawns. Either way, they seem to always be flashing a wad of cash, and it may not always be legitimate.
9. The pimp/whore
This person is simply an embarrassment. It’s like having Desmond Hatchett in your family. If its a dude, they have several kids that they rarely or never see, and don’t pay child support for. The women are loose and have an army of children. They have made a career out of collecting child support (for the children whose fathers they actually know) and living off of the system. Either way, there’s a lot of unprotected sex going around.
10. The Black Sheep
This one is very broad. This person could be the first or only one to date interracially. They could be the first and only college graduate in a family of white or ghetto trash. They could even be the troublemaker in a prominent family. Nevertheless, the Black Sheep is simply that, different from the rest of the flock.
Strong families, even with the most dysfunction, still love each other and support one another in thick and thin. They may fuss, fight and belittle each other. However, if you aren’t in the family, you better not dare try to insult them.
Now that’s a modern family, at least for our current era.