COMMENTARY | Fantasy Football is back again which means it is that magical time of year when fans drag out every labored football-related pun and subtle innuendo to come up this year’s crop of funny fantasy football team names.
Here are the top 10 rib-tickling team names for the 2013 season.
Sure to be one of the top fantasy names this season, the “Butt-Fumblers” harkens back to the one play that epitomized the New York Jets’ miserable 2012 season. During the sequence, much maligned QB Mark Sanchez tried to scramble, only to be blindsided by his own offensive lineman’s backside. Sanchez fumbled the ball away and the infamous term was coined instantly.
Hangin’ w/ Riley Cooper
It seems that every offseason at least one player has to do something outrageous enough to become the punchline of countless fantasy football team names. Although the honor is usually reserved for Pac-man Jones, the Philadelphia Eagles’ wide receiver Riley Cooper more than filled in after a racist rant recorded at a Kenny Chesney concert landed him in hot water. I’m not sure if he was more embarrassed about the comments or the fact that he was spotted at a Kenny Chesney concert.
While it may be low-hangin’ fruit, Cooper’s name lends itself to an obvious mash-up with the famous African American-led cast of the ’90s T.G.I.F sitcom “Hangin’ w/ Mr. Cooper.”
Seattle Seahawks fans may feel a little “Percy Whipped” after their newest acquisition, Percy Harvin, had to be shelved with a torn labrum that will likely keep him off the gridiron until Thanksgiving at the earliest. The explosive slot receiver signed a six-year, $67 million contract to play in the Emerald City, but he will have to start his Seattle career as a member of “The 12th Man” instead of the active roster.
Eli: The Other White Manning
After Eli Manning won his second Super Bowl ring, Peyton Manning found himself in danger of being referred to as Eli’s older brother. However, even with the extra hardware, it is still the younger Manning relegated to the shadows of his elder sibling’s spotlight. Peyton’s stats do make Eli “the other manning” for now, but one more New York Giants’ Super Bowl could just change all of that.
Dez’d and Confused
The Dallas Cowboys’ dynamic wide receiver, Dez Bryant, has all the skills necessary to be a top five player at the position, unfortunately for Dallas fans, the 24-year-old doesn’t always appear to have his head in the game. After a career year in 2012, the ‘Boys expect Bryant to be one the biggest attractions at Jerry World this season.
Teenage Newton Ninja Turtles
Cam Newton’s record-breaking rookie season of 2011 gets easily overlooked after the incredible year Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III and Russell Wilson were able to put up in their first NFL campaign. Much like the cartoon “heroes in a half shell,” Newton hopes to re-market himself to a national fan base that too quickly cast him aside for the new shiny toys on the shelf.
While it is unquestionably in poor taste to name your fantasy team in honor of a man on trial for murder, that will not stop a cavalcade of owners from giving this team name a chance. Aaron Hernandez was once a highly thought of fantasy player at the tight end position, but now all that talent has gone to waste and the mocking names of fantasy football leagues may be the only kind of NFL spotlight he has left.
Password is Taco
Fantasy Football has become so big that it even got its own FX comedy, “The League.” Countless one-liners and team names from the show can perfectly transition to your own fantasy football league.
For those who may be unfamiliar, ‘Password is Taco’ is the team name of the character Taco, played by actor Jonathan Lajoie. In an attempt to remember his password, Taco lets his team name double as his desktop notepad so he won’t forget. If only the rest of the league members were honorable enough to avoid the temptation to access his roster.
“The Double Ent-Andres,” “Chalupa Batman,” and “Mr. McGibblets” are just a few of the other popular League-inspired team names popping up in fantasy football leagues everywhere.
Natural Born Spillers
The Buffalo Bills recently made headlines after saying they would keep giving C.J. Spiller the ball this season until he ‘throws up.’ While all the extra touches will surely delight a feverish fantasy draft market, potential owners are just hoping C.J. doesn’t take a “spill” of his own that leads him to the Buffalo sideline the way his backfield-mate, Fred Jackson, did a season ago.
I’m not sure this name needs much explanation. After just three years in the league, Rob Gronkowski has already gotten himself labeled as a partyer who is no stranger to the dance floor. He drew some ire from fans after “dropping it as though it were hot” only hours after the New England Patriots lost to the Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. If that weren’t enough, Gronk also got some unwanted attention when a photograph surfaced of him with an adult film star who happened to be wearing nothing but a No. 87 Patriots jersey. The name tracks.