I grew up watching Disney movies and I still love them today. The heroes are great but to be honest, I prefer the villains. They’re so much more fun.
In fact, given the opportunity, I would totally hang out with some of them because they’re just that cool. For example:
Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)
Horns by Alexander McQueen, cape by Versace, she puts the style in hostile. Also known as the Mistress of All Evil, she makes fashion models look sloppy with her skin tanned to a hot sage green, her evilly arched eyebrows and her make up that never runs. The trendsetter of trendsetters.
Not only do I want to know her beauty secrets, I want her to show me how to teleport myself in and out of places in a gust of howling wind and a bolt of lightning. And if I can transform myself into a fire-breathing dragon every once in a while, that would definitely be useful too.
Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
As the song goes, Gaston is the man. It’s almost impossible to resist the ruggedly handsome Frenchman with the deep manly voice. Darnit, he can sing!
Not only is he the Twitter crush of all men, woman also adore him. They fall at his feet, admiring his bulging biceps, thick neck and that oh-so-rugged cleft in his chin. Or maybe it’s his raging chest hair, his overtly feminist views and the fact that he shoots birds out of the air, sending them crashing to the ground in the middle of the village. No matter, whatever it is, it works.
As for me, I’m just totally impressed with a guy who can proactively plan and organize a wedding with preacher, band, maids of honour and reception without the woman even knowing about it. NBC should definitely get him his own wedding planning reality show.
He may live in a dark, gloomy underworld filled with dead people but seriously, who wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy whose hair can break out into a roaring bonfire at any given moment?
Ok, he does look a little insane but he also has a biting sense of humour that makes him a great candidate for Comedy Central. And… he’s brutally honest, especially when it comes to giving advice on relationships:
Hades: I can’t believe you’re getting so worked up over some guy! (Hercules)
Meg: This one is different; he’s honest and he’s sweet…
Meg: He would never do anything to hurt me.
Hades: HE’S A GUY!
Yup, definitely my type of BFF.
Ursula (The Little Mermaid)
Poor Ursula is really a misunderstood saint. Matchmaker of all matchmakers, she can transform you into a beauty queen and help you get your man. Sign the contract and you can have new legs, lose weight or become Jennifer Aniston. Just remember you only have three days and you’ll have laryngitis, but don’t worry: As Ursula says, men don’t really like needless conversation anyway.
Hmmm… I don’t see how that can possibly go wrong. Where do I sign?
Yzma (The Emperor’s New Groove)
Yzma’s fashion sense is to be admired, but what I like most about her is her brains. Not only is she able to find handsome henchmen and command them to do her evil deeds, she also has the ability to create well thought-out plans, like transforming Kuzco into a flea, packing him a box, putting it in another box and then mailing it to herself so that she can flatten it with a hammer. You can’t get any more brilliant than that.
She’s also a master stuntwoman who has total command of the English language and the use of conjunctions.
Yzma: “Tell us where the talking llama is and we’ll burn your house to the ground.”
Kronk: “Uh, don’t you mean ‘or’?”
Yzma: “Tell us where the talking llama is OR we’ll burn your house to the ground.”
I think she had it right the first time. Boom, baby!