Cooling off or being on a break with your boyfriend is not amiss in and of itself. When it is done for a long-term gain, it has the potential to identify, categorize and strengthen aspect, which causes drawbacks in the relationship. After all, the mere fact that cooling off becomes an option for your boyfriend speaks volume about the status of your relationship. Depending on your response, a period of timeout from each other’s presence can make or break your relationship.
Below are five measures that you can apply when your boyfriend asks for some time away from you:
1.) Be Calm and Listen. When your boyfriend breaks the news that he wants some cool off, listen. When he tries to explain why he thinks cooling off is necessary, listen. Try to see the situation from his vantage point. When he is done explaining his part, and he asks for your thoughts, speak up but be calm. When you are both dominated with calmness, you can sort your feelings out in the most rational manner possible. If you are eyeing for a long-term gain, either with him or with someone else (if the relationship doesn’t work out), listening is a must. And you will never be able to understand your partner’s point and the emotions he conveys if you are already hysterical the moment he opens his mouth.
2.) Make A Timeline And Codes of Behavior. After you have agreed on a cool off, you need to clarify until when it is in effect. Additionally, you need to agree on certain codes of behavior. Are you allowed to go on dates while on cool off? Are you committed to the relationship and will just going to use the cool off phase to unclutter your mind? When your boyfriend hints that he wants to go on dates with other women, be ready with the possibility that your relationship will be going downhill. While this is the case, remind yourself to focus on the learning instead. However, when your boyfriend reaffirms his commitment to you, do the same. Assure him that you will also use the cool off phase to better yourself and better your relationship.
3.) Meet and Talk on the Agreed Date. After you have decided to call it off for a week or a month, meet and evaluate yourselves and the status of your relationship. There is this saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. Only when you see and talk with each other, after a period of cooling off, will you realize the truth of this adage. Did your heart jump when you saw him? Could you see the excitement in his eyes when he saw you? If you could answer yes to the two questions, then, the cool off has worked for you and your relationship. If your answer is no yet you still want to continue the relationship, talk with him and state your case.
4.) If He Decided to Stay, Effect Changes, Expect Commitment. If you both agree to stay and continue the relationship, sort things out. Don’t waste the opportunity to learn and better your relationship. Why did you come to the point of cooling off? What issues trigger the move? Has it something to do with nagging? With unfulfilled promises? With control? Or unacceptable habits? Effect changes and expect commitment. Your goal is to emerge better after the cool off. Without changes that address the issues behind the cool off, you’ll find yourself in the same situation over and over again.
5.) If He Goes for a Breakup, Learn and Let Go. Now, this is the part, which entails a dose of self-respect and positive attitude. When your boyfriend tells you that he has decided to call it quits, it is time to let go. While this can be the heart-breaking part, this will also be the most liberating. If you handled the cooling off phase lovingly and supportively, and he still opted to say goodbye, have some self-respect and let go. Take the learning with you and better your lot. Remember, when a door closes, a window opens. The healing part may take a while, but the experience will definitely make you a better person and a better partner.
A dose of reality: negative experience happens. Marriages get broken. Women get sexually abused. Children get exploited. These are complex and heart-breaking situations, and yet a growing number of people who have been into these situations live and make the most of their day-to-day life. And I believe, you can too, even after a breakup. You just need to decide to move on and hope for a light – a brighter and fulfilling light – at the end of the tunnel.