Never leave, and keep me laughing. This is what my husband and I promised each other five years ago when we got married. I know five years doesn’t sound like much. But today I feel happy and blessed, and to me this is what defines success. I know there will be a day down the line, where I might not be so optimistic about my marriage, and I will want to remind myself of how and why it works.
My husband and I dated for six years before we got married. Everything started off as new and exciting. We were just getting to know each other. Not to say that we didn’t go through any hardships, we certainly had our share.
When we got engaged, we said that nothing would change from how we were then to how we would be as a married couple. In a way, that is true. When we were dating, we knew then that we would one day get married and that we were the right ones for each other. This is still the case. But in other ways, a lot has changed.
When you are dating and feel like you are with the right person, chances are you have an unstated promise to never leave each other. And if you are lucky enough to get through that, that is great.
When you are married, you made vows to never leave each other, so it could be actually harder to do just that when things get tough.
Throughout the years of my life, there has been a lot that hasn’t made sense, struggles I have gone through to figure out who I am and who I want to be. My family, close friends and husband have always made sense. Among the promise I made to him, I made a promise to myself to remember we made sense. There has been more than one occasion that I remind myself of this. I knew this when we were just dating, and this is one of the main reasons why I married my husband. It goes beyond the logical reasoning, but it is a feeling of love that erases anything else that may bring doubt.
Opposites attract. This is what brought us together. But it has also challenged us, several times. My husband lives to be around others and to be out. I prefer a night in, and have social anxiety. This has made me question if I am the right person for him or not. Being something that you aren’t for me isn’t right. I don’t think that is grounds for an honest relationship. So how are we getting through this issue? It is all about compromising. This is still something that is difficult to work on, but we do. I don’t say this lightly, because it can’t be done just by one person. One person can’t do everything for the other person, without anything being given back in return. So it is a test, and I believe if two people are really right for each other, they will be willing to compromise for that other person. Many arguments have taken place and still do from time to time, but for us this is one of those battles that we do pick. To us, it is important to make the other person happy.
So what works for us with the extroverted/introverted issue? We have separation from each other sometimes. He does his thing, I do mine. We both have learned to accept this. When we stay in together, I make an effort to do something at home that he enjoys. Simple things, like let him pick what to watch. Or stay in and have a few drinks together. Enjoy a night out in our backyard with a campfire, which he happens to love.
Going out is not something I am a huge fan of, but I usually find that I have some enjoyment of it when I am with my husband. I notice his effort when we do go out. Little things he does like staying by my side. If I get overly anxious, he will go outside with me to get a break. For me, anything that I am doing is a hundred percent better when I am with him, so feeling a little uncomfortable in the process is a fair trade.
Places that we both enjoy going to and aren’t so crowded are restaurants and movie theaters. I find this as a social way for us both to spend time together. And it is my favorite kind of time, one on one.
So I think compromising is important, of course everyone’s kind of compromising will be different.
I have always heard from friends that money is one of the biggest problems in a marriage. We have gone through hard times where money has been tight. It was hard, and it did cause some fights. But, we did get through it, and it made us stronger. I know it will more than likely be a problem again. Here is what I have learned; money to me doesn’t mean much. Is it worth losing the one you love over? If one of you is struggling, the other will have to be the stronger one. It will be hard, you may feel resentful at times, but for us it helped to remember that the other one would do the same if things were flipped, and we have.
When I look at it, it has been as simple as us not breaking our vows. We truly have gone through all of the vows in the short five years, and managed not to break them. It hasn’t always been easy, but worth it. I will remember all of this throughout the years of our marriage so our success will continue.
I believe when it is right, you know that it is. And if you both want it to work, then it will. I think when times are tough, you have to remind yourself of why it is worth the fight, and work together to find exactly how to do what you need to make your marriage a success.