Yes, he finally fell in love with me after I married another but it was too late. I loved him unconditionally but he felt that I dressed too matronly. He even stated that he would love it if I dressed like a prostitute! Yet his father, his teenage son and daughters lived with us. How could I dress seductively in front of them?
What he really could not love about me was that I was too good!! Most men appreciate those qualities but he was tainted by his past relationships and could only love a woman who acted like a slut. He was still in love with that woman and wanted me to be more like her. He was still in love with this woman who cheated on him and would flash her breasts in front of strangers if she felt provoked to do so.
Ironically he married me to put a roof over his head and to gain custody of his children. My marriage to him was a serious mistake because I ended up losing everything for the fleeting puppy love that he felt for me.
Funny but on our wedding day he did not show any love to me!! Instead he partied with his friends and bragged about being able to live in such a beautiful home that would be worth ¼ million dollars in a few years!
I lost my big beautiful home on three areas and custody of my three children because my ex found out about his marijuana usage. We then had to move into a small cottage near the lake because he lied to me about his ability to make money with his carpet installation business! Customers felt that he took too long to get the job done which was largely due to his getting high! Yet, I loved that cottage just as much as I loved my big home in the suburbs!
Finally I found the courage to end it after he moved out to spend time with his lover in Florida.
I realized that my world would not cave in without him in my life and I also realized that being me was fun. I had so much catching up to do after all the years of people pleasing and actually enjoyed those months of being alone. I enjoyed being able to visit with my children without him saying inappropriate and mean things. I also realized that the person I missed the most was me and vowed to always be true to myself and never to let anyone manipulate and control me again!!
Low and behold after I regained my self confidence and found someone else he wanted me back. I could not take him back even though I still had feelings for him because something deep down inside of me said NO!! I remembered all those lonely nights when he would party with his friends and make fun of me!! I remembered feeling unloved yet hoping that my love for him was enough for us both. I remembered his angry outbursts and mood swings and most of all I remember my children leaving me to live with their dad!! This is something that I will never completely heal from because my children were my world!!
Word to the wise!! Always no matter what be yourself and don’t change what is good in you for anyone. If the man you love does not love you for whom you are, then he is the wrong man.
My miracle in this tragic loss
I literally lost everything because of him, yet I learned a valuable lesson and won myself back. I am stronger now than ever before and will never let anyone try to change me again. My children turned out great and know they are much loved!! They are also very successful and we have a great relationship!! This is not because of me but because even though I was wrapped up in a man who did not love me God was still looking out for me and my children. All four of my children learned to cling to God and to this day they love the Lord with all their hearts!! That is my miracle!!