Looking back on my decision to have a family brings back that rush of emotion that every young woman, newly married and in love, has when considering this very thing for her life. It certainly is a turning point, a rite of passage, to become a mother. It is that enormous undertaking that will somehow complete your life, yet render it changed forever. No biggie, right?
Certainly, the timing was “right.” At least according to what society, and my mother, might deem appropriate as relating to history. I was married. I already took that giant step into, let’s face it, adulthood. I moved to New Jersey from Boston, the city I loved. I made myself a wife and vowed to be in this thing; really in this thing. Wasn’t the next logical step to start a family?
I wanted a family. I always wanted a family. At 28, I wasn’t getting any younger. We certainly wanted to have multiple children and yes, there is always the matter of that proverbial clock ticking away. My husband, although not insistent, was somewhat in on the idea as well. He, too, knew that perhaps just holding our noses and jumping off that diving board, like when we were little, was the way to go.
However, I knew that it was my body and probably, my life that would be most directly impacted. Would I ever be thin again? Would I be a good mom? Could I handle it? Was I ready to put a baby first? Would I ever be the same? All my hopes and fears played in, amping my nerves and making me wish I could hold back for just one more year. But… there was that excitement and that notion that I was going to go ahead with it, no matter what.
Deciding to have a baby kind of can sneak up on you. You go from thinking that having a baby would not be appropriate in your life for so long to all of a sudden thinking that finally, it is somewhat appropriate. It is weird. It gives you permission to think such a thing is possible and doable. For me, it was not so much a definitive, I am doing this, as it was, let’s just see if this will happen… And it did.
The Happily Ever After
I am not going to say that becoming a mom was easy. It was such a monumental morphing of my life and yet at the same time, such an instinctual evolution that it is difficult to put into words all the wonderful and scary things about it. However, thankfully, it is truly just natural. Once you are pregnant (which guess what? You CAN actually become pregnant if you follow the typical directions for getting pregnant…), life just kind of takes over. You don’t really have to do anything at first beyond eating healthy and waiting. Life evolves. And before you know it, that beautiful baby is in your arms and yes, he or she does change your world forever. And he or she, is so sublimely yours like nothing else you have ever imagined or dreamed of. It happens that way and you just… excel in being the perfect match for that particular baby, and that baby, the perfect match for you; the question of when this “should” all be occurring, is then, in that moment, quite irrelevant. Your timing, you see, really can’t be wrong in the end. It truly is one of the rare just gifts from God, having a child. And you will be able to rise to the occasion, young one. You will be a fabulous mom once you do dive in. Life will lead you and love will guide the way.