There is nothing more that I hate than living with anxiety. It is an awful thing to live with and I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone. Everybody has anxiety every now and then. It’s normal for humans, it’s when anxiety starts to dictate your life that it becomes a real problem. Anxiety and panic attacks are scary things. Things that I have learned to life with and try to not let it effect my life. I’m not always successful, but there is nothing worse than having to suffer in silence.
My history with anxiety.
I can’t really remember the first time I had an anxiety or panic attack. I just remembered being really scared and having these weird chest pains. I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. I’m a hypochondriac so my mind always goes to the worst. Perfectly healthy and I was convinced that my heart was enlarging. I lived like this for years. In constant fear that one day I was just going to drop dead, or my sudden rush of panic and fear was going to be the end for me. I couldn’t understand why suddenly I would go from being in a really good mood and suddenly I felt sad and I didn’t want to leave.
My anxiety never really became to much of a problem until I started college. I had so much pressure on me that I had no idea what I was going to do with it. I didn’t have many friends and the few friends that I did have, I was always afraid I was going to lose them, that they were going to leave me for somebody better. I would start to think that everybody hated me and if I did something wrong it was the end of the world. I got scared and I didn’t know what to do, or how to fix things. I was worrying about things that I didn’t need to be worrying about.
It started dictating my life. Living on campus alone was hard. I had no friends, my family was forty-five minutes away, and the only time I left my dorm room was for food and class. I would go to lunch and eat by myself, every single day. I was convinced that everybody else looked at me and thought that everybody was talking about how I was some sort of a freak. They had to be laughing at me right? Because why wouldn’t they. I couldn’t concentrate on school. There were some mornings where I couldn’t get out of bed and go to class because I would have an anxiety attack as soon as I woke up.
How I dealt with it.
Talking helps. Whenever I feel myself having an anxiety attack I always think about my best friend. Just thinking about her starts to make me feel better. It’s almost like she’s my security blanket. Talking to her does wonders for me. I’m able to get reassured that everything is okay and she helps to take my mind off of what I’m thinking about. Distractions are my best friend because then I can go back to feeling better instead of dwealing on negative things. Stay off of the caffeine. I cannot stress this enough. It’s only going to make things worse, because I become jittery and I cannot stay still to save my life. I’m not a fan of medication because I feel like I can beat this on my own. I’m stronger than my anxiety attack. I just need to remain clam, and take deep breaths. Meditate or watch something. Do anything to get my mind off of the negative thoughts.
I can’t pinpoint exactly what triggers an attack. It can be anything. Sometimes, they just hit me like a brick wall, out of nowhere and without any source. It’s a scary thing to live with and I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it without it controlling my life. My advice for anybody who deals with these problems is to find help. Professional or with some friends. Don’t deal with it alone because it will slowly ruin your life. I’m slowly overcoming my anxiety and so can anyone else!