Princess-In-Command Pea, the little girl, surreptitiously stuck her head out the door and scanned the vicinity. The coast was clear. Turning back, she motioned for every one to join her at the table and brought the meeting to order. General-In-Charge Jay, the little boy, climbed into a chair, and Lieutenant-Of-Record Bee, the dog, bounded across the room (nearly knocking Jay headfirst to the floor in the process), came to a skidding stop at the table, and sat at attention, ears cocked forward. Pea took her spot at the head of the table and glanced severely around the room. “Is everyone present and ready to report?”
Bee wagged her tail excitedly and yipped, “Yes! Me! Me! I’m here! Ready to go!”
Jay kicked back in his chair and threw one leg on top of the table. “Sure,” he half-yawned, trying his best to look bored. “Let’s do this.”
Pea banged her mallet and assumed a look of extreme importance. “Okay, then. The weekly strategy meeting of The P, B & J Chaos Committee will now come to order. Let us all recite the Oath.” Three voices joined in, all at the same high decibel, but with various levels of enthusiasm.
We solemnly swear
They don’t have a prayer!
There just is no thing
Such as quiet or clean!
There’s no doubt about it
We’ll never allow it!
We sing this proud ditty,
The Chaos Committee!
Pea sat down and glanced at the paper in front of her. “First item on the agenda: General Jay, have you had any luck retrieving the Magic Spoon?”
Jay shrugged his shoulders. “Nah, I can’t get far enough into the dishwasher to get to it. She pulls me out every time.”
Pea nodded her head thoughtfully. “Okay. We may have to organize a distraction tactic. I’ll jot that down for the brainstorming session. Next item. Lieutenant Bee? Do you have any final notes regarding last week’s Kitchen Soap and Bubble Extravaganza?”
Lieutenant Bee nodded her golden head enthusiastically. “It was a rousing success. Bath time was cancelled in lieu of the clean up, and the dinner plans that included asparagus were postponed in favor of the grilled cheese. Princess Pea, you deserve this week’s Medal of Mayhem. It was a brilliant plan, executed to perfection.”
Princess Pea bowed to the lieutenant and said, “Thank you. It was a team effort, though, so I propose that kudos be shared equally among us.” Bee’s and Jay’s enthusiastic sounds of agreement were momentarily silenced as the smuggled, contraband cookies were passed around and enjoyed wholeheartedly amidst high fives and congratulatory pats on the back.
Lieutenant Bee was the first one finished. As she gobbled up the rest of the crumbs from the table, she asked, “So, what’s on the agenda today?”
Pea became serious again and announced in ominous tones, “We have a Mission of Utmost Importance. It’s Monster Day.”
Jay sat up straight, suddenly becoming interested. “Really?? Already??? I thought we just banished it back to its cave! “
Princess Pea sighed, “Yes, well, apparently the aftermath of this morning’s Cracker Fiesta has called it out again.” She shook her head disapprovingly. “General Jay, you really need to work on your slickness skills. Strolling into the living room with the cracker in your mouth before the fiesta was over did not help our mission. If you’re not more careful, I will be forced to demote you from First Brother and remove you as Prime Minister of the Department of Distraction! “
Jay stuck his tongue out at her. “So? I’ll still be Chief Master of Cuteness. It’s not my fault you’re the one she put in time out.”
Pea jumped up and growled, “What makes you think you can’t get in trouble too?”
Jay waved his hand in dismissal, “Whatever. She’d never believe I had anything to do with it. All I have to do is smile.”
That did it for Pea, who lunged at Jay, shouting, “You won’t be Master of Cute when I’m done!” And they both hit the floor, rolling over in a flurry of arms and legs. For a minute, The Chaos Committee was in chaos. High-pitched squeals pierced the air, interspersed with cries of, “Ow!” and, “Stop it!” and, “Get off!” Bee pounced around the fracas happily, waiting for her chance to jump in and adding to the general cacophony with periodic barking.
“Hey! What’s going on in there?” came the loud warning from the other room. The altercation came to an immediate halt in order to prevent further investigations, and everyone grudgingly returned to their seats.
Bee turned to look at Jay. “But we weren’t done making that mess! There were still some left in the box….” She broke off suddenly and lunged into Jay’s shoulder, nearly knocking him off the chair for a second time.
“Cut it out!” Jay yelled, grabbing on to the table to catch himself.
Bee pulled back, licking her chops, “Sorry. You had a cookie crumb.”
Princess Pea cleared her throat loudly. “As. I. Was. Saying.” The boy and the dog settled down and turned to listen. She continued, “The monster, for whatever reason,” she paused to glare at Jay, “is out now and must be dealt with again. Now, I think that we can expand on our previous strategy. We have to be aggressive! We have to charge! And we have to be loud!”
Lieutenant Bee agreed. “Yes. The growling seemed to work well last time. I’ll do it again. With some extra sharp barks this time. I don’t think I used those enough before.”
“Good plan,” Princess Pea said. “The General and I will continue to run at it and scream. I think the more we do that, the more it gets confused and wants to go back to the cave.”
“Yeah!” General Jay chimed in. “We’ve got it this time!”
“Okay, troops!” Pea announced. “It’s time for the Adventure Cheer! Everyone, join in!”
They all stood, each waving a fist (or a paw) in the air and, as required by Article 32 of the Committee Bylaws, shouting at the top of their lungs:
Two! Four! Six! Eight!
Making noise is really great!
Eight! Six! Four! Two!
The messier, the better too!
Then the three of them headed out the door and down the hall to embark on their Mission of Utmost Importance.
And it was just in the nick of time! No sooner had they rounded the corner than the monster’s eyes lit up and he began to roar. The battle had begun!
Princess Pea led the charge, running straight at the monster, squealing at the top of her lungs and dodging to the side at the last minute. General Jay was right behind her, squealing as well, and dodging to the other side. Back and forth, they wove an impressive pattern, cutting the monster off at every turn, while Lieutenant Bee held her ground from the front, growling in stern warning and interspersing the sharp barks she had vowed to use. Meanwhile, the monster continued his loud roar in an attempt to prevail, advancing and retreating, trying to turn right, then left, but getting foiled and confused from every side.
The battle waged on and on, but the members of the Chaos Committee all remained firm in their resolve to squeal and run this monster back into his cave. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the monster admitted defeat. His deafening roar became silent and the glow in his eyes faded until it was gone. They had won!
Piercing cheers of victory erupted as the monster retreated back into its cave at the end of the hall. Princess Pea, Lieutenant Bee and General Jay all participated in the victory dance while agreeing unanimously that this was a triumph of Epic Proportions, and they should all receive Certificates of Excellence in Pandemonium. Additional contraband cookies would be called for.
The mother sighed in exasperation. As she wound up the extension cord, she watched the kids and dog run around in circles, screaming and barking like they’d gone completely crazy. Shaking her head, she raised her voice to be heard above the racket and said, “Honestly! Do you all think that-just once-I could vacuum up your messes without all this chaos?!”
They weren’t paying attention.