Finally resolving the “same old fight’ is challenging because it’s an ongoing fight for a reason. You and your guy each think you’re 100% right in the situation, and neither of you are willing to compromise, so you just keep fighting about the issue without ever finding a solution.
I’ve talked before about how to resolve this type of fight when it’s your guy’s fault, so today I want to discuss what to do when the ongoing fight is your fault. In this case, you have to get to the bottom of why your actions are making him so upset, so you can come up with a compromise that works to resolve the argument for good.
For example, let’s say you love to meet your girlfriends for margaritas every Monday, but your boyfriend hates it when you come home tipsy. The second you come home from seeing your girls, your boyfriend makes a rude comment about your drinking, and you feel judged and like he’s trying to control you. This fight happens every single time you go out with your friends, and you just want to make it stop – for good.
If you want to resolve this type of fight, you need to change it up. For starters, don’t try to resolve the issue in the heat of the moment. Even if he is ready to fight, try saying something like:
“Babe, I understand you’re upset. Let’s just go to sleep, and we can talk about it tomorrow when we get home from work.”
The next night, once he’s had some time to cool off and gather his thoughts, approach him from a place of openness and curiosity. Try saying something like:
“So babe, what’s really bugging you about me going out with my friends? From my perspective, it’s just a few margaritas with the girls. I really want to understand what about this particular situation bothers you, so we can resolve it once and for all.”
Then, let him speak. He may say he doesn’t like how much you drink when you’re with your friends. Or maybe he’ll explain that since he’s not a big drinker, he doesn’t understand why you feel the need to indulge at all when you’re with your girls. Or he could be having a moment of irrational jealousy about other guys hitting on his tipsy woman, you never know!
No matter what he says, I guarantee there’s an underlying fear behind his words, so try to get to the bottom of what that fear is. Maybe he’s worried that your drinking will get worse over time, or maybe he’s concerned that you’re not safe when you’re tipsy.
Once you identify the underlying fear, the two of you can work together to come up with a solution that makes him feel like his concerns have been addressed, without forcing you to give up Margarita Mondays altogether. For example, if he’s concerned about your safety, maybe he can come and pick you up so he knows you’re in good hands at the end of the night. Or, you can text him throughout the evening to let him know you’re okay.
No matter what your relationship’s ongoing fight is there’s always a resolution. With the right conversation approach (and a little compromise!) you and your guy can put your ongoing issue to bed once and for all.
(For more proven and practical relationship advice, visit www.makeuporbreakup.com and catch up with me on Facebook!)