When we were married, my husband said that he wanted five kids. I knew that we would never have five, but we agreed that we wanted at least two. When the economy began to crumble and we saw prices go up and job security go down, my husband went into panic mode. After the birth of our daughter, he said we would not be having any more. He was not open to discussion or compromise, he just said no. I am so thankful for my daughter, but I always wanted more than one child. As an only child myself, I always wanted a sibling – someone that I could talk to and confide in. I wanted my daughter to have that brother or sister that they could joke with and create those treasured sibling memories. I was emotionally crushed when my husband was standing firm on his decision. I felt angry that I had no say and somewhat depressed that I would not have the family I always imagined. What can you do when your partner does not want more children and you do?
Spouse’s perspective. Take the time to step back and try to understand where your partner is coming from. Is it financially stable enough to add another child despite your desire? He loves you and I am pretty sure his not wanting more children is not an attempt to be mean or hurt your feelings. It costs a lot of money to raise a child, with the expense going up each year. You spouse may realize that he no longer feels financially comfortable to bring another child into the world. He may fear that he does not have the time or energy to be the father he wants to be with more children. What ever his reason, he has one and it should be recognized.
Self reflect. Step back and reflect on you reasons for wanting another baby. Why do you want more children? Are you OK with just your family of three? Will your feelings change for your husband because of this? Try to understand yourself and your feelings so you can better understand your feelings about it.
Communicate. Take a step back and try not let your emotions control you. Talk with your partner about what you discovered during your self reflection and the possible paths you can choose. Communication is important in any relationship. The topic of children has a lot of emotion attached so be sure you both are calm and relaxed when discussing the topic. Hear what your partner is saying and organize your thoughts so that he is able to understand your feelings.
This topic is definitely a difficult one. Bringing a child into the world needs to be a joint decision between you and your partner. Take the time to understand the feelings of both yourself and your partner and talk about each of your reasons for wanting what you do.