My father was there in the household. But he wasn’t much of a father, at least not the father that I wanted him to be. He passed when I was 16, and I did not want a father at all but my mother always had her own issues with the relationship that I had with my father. So now I am 41 and I still do not have any children of my own. But that doesn’t mean that the relationship does not present itself, in some way or form; it is not as though we have a lot of choice in the matter. Either you want to be a father to a child, or a child wants you as their father, and while no one will ever say as much, children are reaching out for a father every day; perhaps the men who are in their life are not taking on that role in the children’s lives, perhaps their mother wants them to be strong and independent, but nothing will fill that void left by the absence of a positive, constructive, father/son relationship.
So other men come into my life while I am coming into, what it is like to be a young man and I do not want that type of relationship with them and I push them away. It would have been a lot different if I were 8 years old, or perhaps 5, and missed that bond that I felt that I should have had. Teenage boys do not necessarily want a father, in the same way that a younger man would, but he can always look back with appreciation at whatever relationship those older men had in his life when he is their age later on in life. I do not know why I am even speaking on this issue because it is not one that I deal with on regular basis but I hear things, and I have seen things online that still speak to the topic of broken relationships that men and women have with their children, and I thought I could throw in my own two cents on the matter.
The parent/child relationship is a basic human need that we all have. We can try to live the life of a bachelor, we can try to have sex with as many women as we want and put distance between us and those women but at the end of the day we are all spiritual beings, and we desire to take both the roles of parent and child, in their respective relationships where the classification applies, because that is built into who we are. We were designed in this way by the creator. So there is no getting away from it, regardless of what we do or say, and there will always be guilt, animosity, anger, resentment, and other emotions when someone else takes the role that we were supposed to take, or someone is taking the role that a parent was supposed to take in our lives.
It isn’t a science project. None of us really know what we’re doing anyway; all we need to do is simply be there for that other person. Be there your own parents, and be there for the children that come into your life that need for you to be there for them. Be someone that people can rely on, someone that people respect, that takes care of business and can be that man when the situation calls for you to be one, selflessly; doesn’t matter what you’re getting out of it personally just because it is the right thing to do. You may not be a father to your own children, but you’ll end fathering a child somewhere along the way.