Sometimes, you just need to let people go and put yourself in a crowd that appreciates you.
After my four best friends stabbed me in the back, I found a new crowd and I didn’t even realize until then how draining the previous crowd was.
But, the thing is, I was by myself for a while before finding said new crowd. I was able to rest and recuperate, look at things from a fresh set of eyes.
I was exhausted. They weren’t all there. I would speak and it felt like they weren’t really listening. It felt like I was just there to fill a gap. I was the friend being walked on. Clearly. They stabbed me in the back and only of them them thought twice about it. He just didn’t tell me the backstabbing was going to happen. He lied by omission because he didn’t want to “betray” his girlfriend.
Um… dummy. If she’ll betray me, what makes you think she won’t betray you? And what makes you think the rest of them won’t betray you?
And our other two friends (the ones I reconciled with) no long associate with him and his forgetful girlfriend.
But I digress.
That time I was able to spend by myself was INCREDIBLE! I no longer felt like space. I no longer felt like I didn’t matter.
I could do whatever I wanted and not worry about being interrupted. I could just reflect on our friendship. Or the lack there of.
But that negative energy, that lack of interest, that lack of compatibility causes you to be in a kind of forced relationship, which is very tiring. And I didn’t even realize until they had stabbed me in the back.
My four best friends dropped down into the two people I hate the most, an acquaintance, and one best friend. I reconciled with two of them like I said. Click here for the full story. Not getting into it again here…
But that experience helped me realize that out of that group, only one is really worth my time. The other is just awkward conversations. The other two have been dropped for they have yet to apologize.
Having nobody is better than having liars and backstabbers who never cared about you to begin with. Even if you did many things for them. Like reveal that another one of their friends stabbed THEM in the back by spreading rumors… hmm…
But I digress. Again.
The new crew that I mentioned before consisted of freshmen. They reminded me of something that I had forgotten; I get along a lot better with people who are either younger or older than myself. I could be a teacher’s pet when I wanted to be and I’ve always been good with kids. I’ve never really gotten along with people my own age.
I became of the overseer in my new crew. They turned to me for advice. I was the mom. I was never alone during my final semester of college because of them. We fed off each others’ energy instead of clashing with each other and fighting for a voice. That one final semester was my happiest time.
They weren’t half there; they were all in.
We were all in. I was no longer drained.
I didn’t want to graduate. :D
My point is, sometimes you need to be by yourself in order to figure out what you want.
It’s better to be alone than to feel alone.