My name is Michael and I am nearly 1000 percent sure I have Misophonia. The hatred of sound, selective sound sensitivity syndrome. I will be honest this has ruined a lot of my life. I hate my family, I hate going outside, even my girlfriend of seven years angers me to no end with nothing but the sound of her lips.
Chewing food, “slurping” a drink, chewing gum, smacking lips, everything that has to do with people eating sends me into a blind rage! A rage that takes over my body, suddenly I’m hot, unreasonable, irrational, just angry at not only the person making the noise but at everything.
Take my mom and popcorn, makes the loudest crunch you ever did hear. No one else notices it, they only notice my rage and wonder what is you problem. It is impossible to tell them I can not stand the sound of their constant chewing.
Unfortunately this has only started in the last few years, at least that is all I can remember. I can not remember it being an ongoing problem from childhood. Though I will say that in the last few years of noticing my hatred of sounds it has become progressively worse. Instead of only my mom eating being my trigger, now my dad bothers me, my dog, my girlfriend, strangers. Honestly, even if I can not hear you eat, if I watch you eat in my head I can hear your mouth moving and I still get thrown into a fit of rage. It is like being the Incredible Hulk, but without the power. One moment you are typical Gamma Radiation Scientist Bruce Banner the next you are a huge green monster who wants nothing more than to be understood for what you are!
Honestly that is all I want is for them to understand. How do you tell them? How do you say hey, I think I have misophonia can you stop eating? What happens when we have children? Will my fits of rage affect them? Will they be scared, or think that this behavior is acceptable? I know that the way I act is unacceptable but I can not help it. It is almost as if I am gone at the sound of any trigger, and something is inside me, taking hold and not letting go until I can clear my head.
I wish there was a cure but all I can find is doctors who are doing trials with results that are less than impressive. So far music helps. Although it only helps to drown out the sounds. A gap between songs is often enough to hear one crunch and my whole day is ruined. In class, I can not listen to music, if I did I would not hear the professor. Not that it matters since I can not hear the prof over the person clicking their pen four rows back and seven seats to the left.
To anyone that reads this, you are not alone. Just doing a simple google search shows how many others there are living with this condition. With so many affected it is impossible to be alone. No matter how alone you feel.