In October of 2012 I lost a man that I looked up to, I called my best friend, and confided in with anything and everything; my father. He was taken suddenly from me and without any real warning. Losing him put a great toll on myself, as well as my family. He was the glue that kept most of us together. A man that strived for one thing in life, to survive, and to move forward. However, his survival was cut short at the young age of 54. When he passed I was left with everything to do. I had to take care of his personal things, work related matters, and of course, the people he was involved with. Coping with his death was not easy. Especially sense I didn’t have a minute to really sit down and mourn for the loss of my father. I was three months pregnant when he passed. I was carrying his first grandchild. He didn’t even live long enough to find out that it was going to be a boy. However, at the end of the day, life went on as everyone kept telling me. My goal was trying to figure out how to do that, without harming myself or others around me. Three simple things kept me going, and they were taught from my father. To be happy, be calm, and enjoy every moment we have on this earth.
Each day I thought about him, tears would start falling, and I was the most miserable person to be around. I couldn’t, wouldn’t be happy. I refused to believe such a thing existed for me. I kept thinking to myself that my father lays underground, while I live, laugh, and do what I please. It felt wrong. One day, I felt my baby kicking as I sat and thought about my father, and it was then that I knew I had to take the first step in coping with his death. To keep myself happy, if not for me, for my child, my family. I found a reason to be happy and that has held me strong most days since the day of his death. My son was the reason I smiled each day and wanted to wake up and just live. Step one in my coping mechanism is finding that one thing that will get you going. If you believe there is absolutely nothing, try searching deeper. Sometimes your true happiness lays right in front of you, and you don’t even know it. Put your focus on that instead of something that you have no control over. I assure you it helps.
Step two is to be calm. One thing I kept doing in the beginning is letting out my anger and frustration on anyone around me. I think I might have been driving my husband crazy, though he will never admit to it. Assess the situation and try thinking why it is that you feel the way that you do. Anger doesn’t really put you forward in life. From my experience it sets you back a few paces. It won’t bring back the person you lost. It just makes you lose yourself, and every precious moment you have. When you feel at ease and calm, you feel more in control of your emotions and life.
Step three ties in at the end. Make sure to enjoy every moment you have. It’s easier said then done, but with time, it becomes natural to you. Being here is a gift that can be taken at any moment. You want to have no regrets, no anger, no reason to be upset. Look at the positive and know that there is an answer to everything. Never give up on yourself and always know that if it’s hard one day, it’ll be easier the next.
Coping with a death is not easy. Doesn’t matter who the person may be. A friend, a family member, a teacher, anybody. But given time you will get there. This month will mark a year that I lost my father, but I feel a little stronger today than I did a year ago. I used these three steps and it helped. Find that inner peace and everything else will slowly fall into place.