When I and my sweetie were married, forty three years ago, I was definitely not prepared for the shenanigans of the male species. When we were dating, he took me places (usually parking at the lake to watch the submarine races), wined and dined me, (not very often because he was usually broke), but at any rate he was much like a lap dog, wagging his tail and tongue to get my attention. After we married, it went totally down hill from there! Totally!
The first meal I cooked for him, I set the table just the way I was taught in Home Economics. All the china and silverware were in their proper places, complete with a centerpiece of lovely flowers. The first thing his highness said was, “What’s all that crap on the table for?” If that wasn’t bad enough, he pointed at the bowl of gravy I had so lovingly slaved over and piled neatly in a bowl, and said, “Gimme them mashed potatoes!” I was brokenhearted, devastated, and more than a little ticked!
At the risk of sleeping outside on the sidewalk in the bitter cold weather, he asked what he could do for me. I told him he could wash our dishes! I don’t think that is exactly what he had in mind, but that’s what he got. He stood over the sink, grumbling under his breath, washing, rinsing, and stacking my pretty china in the dish drainer. After a few minutes, I heard a CRASH!! tinkle, tinkle…… I ran to the kitchen to see my china laying in pieces all over the kitchen floor. To this day, he still swears the dish drainer turned over.
A few days later, I was really tired after work and I asked his highness to put a load of jeans in the washer for me. So he did. Later, I went to the washer and removed the first pair of jeans. They had big white splotches all over them, with little holes among the splotches. I shrugged my shoulders and removed another pair. They were also covered in white splotches, except the holes were bigger. All the jeans looked the same, and they smelled strangely of bleach. I yelled, “Hey, sweetie, come here!” When he arrived, I asked him, ” What exactly did you do to our jeans?” He innocently said, “I just put in some washing powders, poured a little bleach on them, shut the lid, and turned the washer on!” Needless to say, I never asked, nor allowed him, to do anything else that required the mentality of less than a two year old again, ever!!
Now that I am old and wise, and have read a lot of history, I think I see a male pattern here and it isn’t baldness! According to the caveman movies I’ve watched, the men dragged the women into the caves by the hair of their heads, and made them cook, clean, and have babies while they hunted, fished and fought dinosaurs. This behavior is a dominant trait, because the pioneers who first came to America lived similarly to the caveman. The women slaved in the fields, cooked, cleaned and had babies, while the men hunted, fished, and fought the Native Americans. What is so strange is the Native Americans lived the same way! They hunted, fished, and fought the pioneers while their women slaved in the fields, cooked, cleaned and had babies in a Teepee.
The modern day man is not much different from his ancestors, except he goes about things in a different way. Many years ago, women’s liberation figured out that their work and men’s work was anything but equal! Therefore, they invented hunting and fishing seasons, complete with hunting and fishing license, which forcibly curbed man’s caveman instincts somewhat. The men, living at home now, were being asked to help with taking care of babies and the housework. This lowly occupation had belonged to women since the beginning of time, and men weren’t about to give in to being de-man-ized by having to do woman’s work! No full grown hunk of man wants to be caught washing dishes or burping a baby! I think he truly believes it will sap his testosterone levels. To save face, men did the only they could do. Exactly what his highness did. Whatever you ask them to do they destroy. After most of the household and children are destroyed and ruined, women never ask them for help again. Which is exactly the way they planned it!