Why is it you can disbar a morally bankrupt lawyer and prevent him from ever trying another case, but you can’t do the same thing to a banker. Banks occasionally–rare than a blue moon–get fined for corruption that they were vainglorious to think would ever be found out, but we all know that corporate fines are the only actual evidence of trickle down economics in the world. The little guy will never collect money made by the big guys, but he will always get the bill when the big guys are fined. A lack of morality seems to be the key to success in banking. Whether in real life or these TV examples.
Mr. Drysdale: The Beverly Hillbillies
Is Mr. Drysdale without any morality at all? Of course, not. If that were the case, he’d spend every episode figuring out how to rip off his hick neighbors from Tennessee. Philosopher-hayseeds the Clampetts may have been, but one you can’t call them is victims of banking corruption. No, Mr. Drysdale is an excellent example of what is really wrong with the banking industry in America. Everybody with less money than the Clampetts gets second-hand attention and low-rent service. The way the system is set up in “The Beverly Hillbillies” is that anyone with less money than the Clampetts does not get the attention of the Commerce Bank. That is as accurate a reflection of the real life state of things as you can get.
Mr. Mooney: The Lucy Show
Mr. Mooney is a typical example of the banker as stickler for banking regulations that serve his own interests. Such was the symbiotic relationship between Mr. Mooney and Lucy that it is easy to forget that Lucy did not always work in the bank alongside Mr. Mooney. The premise of the show when Mr. Mooney first arrived on the sitcom was that Lucy would go to her usual slapstick extremes to get her money on a bigger piece of the pie left her by her husband upon his head. A widowed mother of two living on a trust fund was simply too humiliating. But Mr. Mooney did not take to the clingy fingers of Lucy trying to get her hands on the money that, well, was hers to get and so Mr. Mooney did what every banker does in these situations: he steadfastly refused to accept that every dollar in a bank belongs not to the bank but to a customer. What you can learn about the banking industry from “The Lucy Show” is that if you are having trouble getting your hands on money that is yours, then you shut down the account and try the bank next door. And keep doing it until you find a banker desperate enough to understand that banks have no money of their own.
Teeth: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
A demon known as Teeth but whose real demonic world name was, I believe, Bro’os, had the head of a shark. He was not technically a banker but rather a loan shark whose preferred currency was kittens. Vampires and other denizens of the Underworld that came from the Hellmouth in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” had a thing for kittens that, well, just watch the show. At any rate, to suggest that there is even a thin enough distance between the occupation of banker and the occupation of loan shark to fit the billion dollar bill that one could afford to buy every from the corruption in both these walks of life is to admit just how sizable is your own naivete.