My relationship with my child’s father started off like a fairytale. I was wined and dined, given extravagant gifts; leather handbags with the matching wallet, a diamond tennis bracelet that would make your head do a double take, then a brand new Chevy Cruze with all the bells and whistles. Every gift got bigger and more expensive than the one before. I was truly swept off my feet by his money, his looks and his spending time with me. He was very sweet and kind to me. I began to call him my “Sugar Ray”. He made me feel there could never be anyone else and I began to believe it.
Moving in with him was not a hard decision to make. After all he had proven he was in love with me and was able to provide and supply all my needs and be a great father. He went as far as paying for my lease to be terminated at my apartment. We all know that breaking a lease is costly and can ruin your credit. But what did I care. He had the money to pay to break my lease so I would move in with him. He had a beautiful home and one I knew I could never afford. I would pass by these big, beautiful homes all the time on my way home from work, only to dream of owning one or living in one.
Living with him was beautiful at first. We cooked together, we fed each other. I even began to drink and I was not a drinker. We had wines, and margaritas, and champaignes. The days we were to go out with his colleague or with his family he would pick out my clothes and even pay for them. He had great taste and money was not a factor. Sex was the best. My first thought was, where had he been all my life? Every night he was like a chocolate brown electric blanket that covered me from head to toe and kept me safe and warm.
But there was just one thing that was not so glamorous about “Sugar Ray.” Sugar Ray was abusive and an alcoholic. One night I was late coming home from work. I forgot to call, time had slipped away. He was at the door when I pulled up. I’m thinking no big deal, whats 2 hours? He questioned me all night then grabbed my arm so tight it left a mark, then threw me on the couch then threw wine on me. He told me I was unappreciative and that lots of women were waiting to take my place. I tried to convince him I did nothing wrong but nothing seemed to work that night. So I slept on the couch. He came and got me but I was not wanting to be near him. But I went upstairs with him anyway. He was very strong and forced me. He smelled of alcohol like never before. As he slept I began to wonder who was this other person that was possessive, abusive and an alcoholic. And why was I just now seeing this other side of him?. Many nights of drinking too much continued. He began to put his hands on me more and began accusing me of cheating. After I told him that I was pregnant I thought that would bring us together and stop his insecurities. Well it did not. After I had our baby the alcohol continued and so did the abuse.
Moving out and moving on was best. There was nothing left in my heart but pain and embarrassment. I blamed myself for jumping the gun too quickly and thinking this was my prince charming. I had no more energy and make up could no longer conceal the whelps and black eye. I was running out of excuses and things to say. I began to miss days at work because of the abuse. I felt like a prisoner just waiting for him to return. While he was at work I left and left for good. I had a relative come get me and my child. I no longer wanted his car or other gifts. The material things were just items that left me with bad memories of him. We went to court and things got ugly as well as expected. Even though we were not married that was still his child of which he was entitled to still see and visit. The judge awarded me custody based on the abuse that was visible and I was still employed and able to care for the child. However I was given a mediator to sit with us during visits. As my child got older she still wanted to see dad and wanted to see us together. I told her we both love her but we just don’t get along together so we have to live in separate places. That worked for me and still till this day we have a mediator at the visits. I don’t trust his behavior and actions if we were to continue visits without a mediator. I am no longer his puppet he can control. I am free and alive to tell about it.