The biggest, life changing choice I have ever made would be staying in California while the rest of my family moved back home to Louisiana. I had so many reasons to stay, but so many reasons to go. I wanted to finish school, keep my job, keep my family and keep my car. The most important thing of all was keeping my son near his father. This choice was hard and it brought me a lot of pain. I’m still not sure if I made the right choice. I won’t know for a long time.
I moved to California three days before my 18th birthday. I was finally old enough to leave. No one could stop me. My mom had so much hatred toward my father that she would never allow me to see him. Even with the distance, I still remained daddy’s little girl. I had been counting down the days until my 18th birthday since the day my father moved to California. I cried every night. Several nights I remember yelling at mother, saying “I hate you!” At times, I honestly thought I did. She was so cold.
When the day came for me to move away, I was the happiest girl alive. I was so overjoyed. I couldn’t wait to see my father. I was just imagining his big goofy smile with his cheerful voice. I imagined he’d say, “I sure did miss you, Court!” Just like he always does. This time I thought it would be the last time. I was here for good. This time, no one would take me away from my daddy. Not even my mom.
Months passed and I met a new guy. He didn’t treat me like a princess but for some reason, I liked him a lot. We spent a lot of time together. We became practically inseparable. We fell in love.
It wasn’t long after I got the good news. I was pregnant with my first child. For me, this was amazing news. I thought for sure I would never be blessed with a child of my own. I was so thankful for the man that gave me this miracle child. My father was so proud. This was his first grandchild. We immediately made plans that included the new baby. I was going to live at my father’s house and my step-mother and step-sister were going to help me out with the baby while I was at school and work. We had the perfectly planed and our hearts were filled with excitement.
Then one day, my father went to work. He had a wonderful job making $100,000 a year. He also enjoyed his job very much. The staff was great and he loved what he did. He loved it so much, he stayed there for 11 years. This particular day was not so fun. My father walked into work to find his office all packed up. He then turned to a co-worker and asked, “What’s going on?” His fellow co-worker just stared in disbelief. He said, “I’m so sorry HL.” My father was fired.
After my father was let go, he never found another job. He had a big decision to make. He had to decide whether he would stay in California until he became homeless or move to Louisiana where he had family. He chose the safest choice. He chose Louisiana.
At this time, I was seven months pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted my family and all of my friends. I wanted my dad. I also wanted my son to know what it’s like to have a dad. As a child, I didn’t have the opportunity of having my dad and mom around all the time. I had my mom, but my dad was far away. I thought about every night that I sat up crying because I missed my dad. I didn’t want my son to go through that. I couldn’t make him go through that. I’ve always heard people say that once you have a child, you should give them everything you wish you had. I made the decision to stay.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made. If I could go back in time and change my mind, I would not have stayed. I feel like my son would have told me to move back to Louisiana. I am happy there. I have a lot of family and a lot of friends. I don’t have family or friends here. I have school, a job and a car. All of which can be replaced.
One day I will know if I made the right decision or not. I just hope that day isn’t a bad one.