Sometimes it’s just best to walk away from a bad relationship. How much bad behavior should you tolerate from a friend or a family member? The best question to ask yourself is if the person adds to your life, or detracts from it in some way? Chances are, if the other person makes you feel bad about yourself or injures you mentally or physically, it’s time to move on.
Are they judgmental, negative, non-supportive, jealous, or in other ways making you feel bad about yourself?
Does this person frequently say you are wrong, or do they always undercut your plans by telling you they won’t work? Do they tell you will fail? Do they say you can’t do it? Do they ask in ways that imply you are stupid for doing it? Some people are negative about everything, including their own lives, but if their negativity and non-supportive attitude makes you feel bad about yourself, this person is not worthy of your time and energy. If someone is jealous and non-supportive of you, are they really your friend? The answer for me was “it’s time to move on.”
Are you the butt of their joke? Do they constantly put you down?
Does your friend or spouse tell jokes at your expense? Do they say you are clumsy, stupid, disorganized, ugly, fat, too thin, or use other “jokes” that are hurtful? They say they do it to make people laugh, but if it is at your expense, I say it’s time to move on.
Do they comment in negative ways about your appearance?
The way you cut your hair, wear your makeup, choose your clothing, or otherwise attire yourself is your business. If you are an adult and you like the way you look, then no one has the right to comment on those things. If you are employable as you are, then it’s not the business of anyone else to comment on it. That person, for whatever reason, is trying to make you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, unsure, and just plain BAD. I say it’s time to move on.
Are they always “short of cash?”
If you always end up paying for everything, cut the person loose. They are not your friend. If that’s your spouse or lover, then you are going to always be taken advantage of by them. I’d be wondering if they are saving their money to spend it on someone outside of your relationship. It’s time to move on.
Do they break dates or other commitments to you?
If this person makes plans with you, and at the last minute, tells you they have something else to do, run the other way if this is a pattern in their behavior. They do not respect you, your time, or your feelings. They may have gotten a “better offer.” In that case, it’s time to move on.
Do they have anger management issues?
Yellers and screamers can be as bad for your self-esteem as someone who hits, punches, slaps, or pinches you. If any of these behaviors are in your relationship, get away. I know from first hand-experience that these abusers do not change. They say they will. They say they are sorry – only until the next time. People who cannot control their words or their actions are dangerous people. You are in harm’s way with them, and it’s time to move on.
Shouldn’t I try to help them?
NO. People can only change themselves. You cannot diagnose what’s wrong with people who are unkind, non-supportive, jealous, catty, rude, or dangerous. You cannot change them. They may change in time, but without you. Once a negative pattern begins in a relationship, in my experience it never gets better. I have walked away from a family who was so damaging to me that I thought I was insane or going insane. Once away from the abusers, I was happy, safe, and sane. You can do what you want with your life. Don’t let others undermine what could be. I say, if these signs are in any relationship, minimize the damages to your life and walk away.