She says I never talk to her and never share my thoughts
She doesn’t understand my pain or she’d know it’s not my fault.
I want to tell her how I feel, my insecurities, but just when I open
My mouth to speak my tongue suddenly will freeze.
I want to tell her about the many times that I deployed.
The stench of death surrounds me and the cries of the wounded
Echo in my soul.
I have trouble sleeping at night with memories of war times
I figured this was just a phase and would pass somewhere down the line.
Loud noises make me jump, yet I try to keep my cool. I see the way my kids
Look at me as though I am a fool. Dare I burden her with what traumatizes me
Each and every day? Or do I just hold it in and keep pushing her away?
I’m distant, I know. I’m lonely. I’m alone in my mind and no one can help, but I
Know this isn’t true. I must do something about this now because I cannot lose my
Boo. My love, my heart, my friend my wife. She is the best choice that I ever made in my life.
So here I am sitting in group therapy, trying to understand myself and get help
With my PTSD. Wow! Now I understand that there are many more like me, who
struggle each and everyday isolated from their family.
We shared our hopes and dreams, as well as our fear and doubts,
We came to understand today that we have to let it out.
We have to come to terms with our feelings and our grief, the nightmares and all
The things that we have hidden underneath.
Hidden underneath our smiles, and underneath our laughter.
We have to put away the façade if we want a happily ever after.
I am so excited now because I can tell her how I feel.
I do not have to tell it all at once, because there is a great deal.
I am extremely nervous and I do not know where to start,
I know that it will come to me, and come straight from my heart.
I make it home and run right in to give my wife a kiss.
This night will be a night of sweet, hot, romantic bliss.
I light some candles, and dim the lights then go to draw her bath,
She smiles at me and shakes her head, and then begins to laugh.
She questions why I am doing this, and carrying on this way.
I tell her that I have so much to tell her about my breakthrough day.
I tell her to give me a moment to go square away the kids,
So we’ll have no disturbance when we dance to our jig.
It takes me about 30 minutes to get them settled down,
I hear no movement in my room, and I begin to frown.
I open the door and step inside ready to share with her some of the things that
I held deep, only to realize that she had bathed and dressed,
And she fell asleep.