I was in a not so good relationship for a long time, well it was almost 6 years. That isn’t long for some people, but for me, it was far too long to spend with the wrong person. I stuck it out for that long hoping things would get better, that he would change. We had children together and I didn’t want to give up so easy. He didn’t change, things got worse, and I decided I did not want to put up with this anymore. It has been almost two years since I left him, and I was just so happy to be single, I knew I needed time to be alone, to think and reflect, and heal. Recently, I started to feel like I am finally ready to put myself out there again, so I created an online dating profile. I figured it would give me the most options, given my situation. It is super exciting, but its also tremendously scary!
Here are some concerns I have about dating as a single mother:
What kind of relationship is best for me?- At this point I do know that I at least want to date. I eventually want a long term relationship and marriage but don’t want to rush it. I am weary of going to fast. I am not sure what i want right now, I’m hoping to find out. Is it enough to have a guy friend or two to talk to on the phone sometimes, maybe a running buddy, or do i really want something more committed? I will learn all of that as I go, at this point I just know i want something to break out of my shell.
Who do i pick?- There are so many options, and with online dating, everyone’s lives are presented as stats, its just weird. So people get put into little boxes based on everything from their looks, personality, careers, incomes, kids, down to how well they can spell and articulate, its crazy. Its like all this information is in your face first before you even get to know the person. Its easier to dismiss some people, or think they are probably out of your league before ever getting the chance to know them, and that’s not even how I thought I operated.
I don’t want to settle- I have a history of settling in my life, so I don’t want to just settle. I want to make sure my potential relationships are with the right people for me. I don’t want to assume someone is out of my league, and not go for it for fear of rejection. I will give most people a chance to talk to me, but I also do not want to waste my time on men who do not meet my interest.
Should they have kids too?- I have children, so should the person I date have children too? In some ways that may be a good thing, but in other ways it scares me off. In that case, then I would have more children in my life, and so would he. There also would be an ex in the picture, and I really don’t know if I want all that. I think I might want someone who doesn’t have children, but then he would have the same fears I do, right? He also might be more immature, and not understand the responsibility. Yikes. Its complicated no matter how you look at it.
Can someone else really gel into my life?- At this point I am so comfortable with my life with just myself and my children, it just seems weird to think of having a man around. Really weird. I think it is just one of those things that will have to happen naturally with the right person. Also, I get scared sometimes about if I will be able to be my true self around someone. Will I really be able to be comfortable with a man in the way I can be comfortable with my kids? It seems like a long-shot, but I am ready to take some chances, because if it would happen, it could really be great.