COMMENTARY | What you are about to read comes from the future.
The year is 2033. Steroids have been completely eliminated from baseball. The only big controversy now is the amount of cyborgs in the American League. Umpires have been rendered useless thanks to the increased instant reply. All members of the umpire’s union have been placed onto an iceberg then sent out to sea. Last season the Miami Marlins and Houston Astros won 100 games–combined. Summer approaches us now and with it comes the induction ceremony for the National Baseball Hall of Fame.
The first inductee is Stephen Strasburg. The star pitcher who played nearly his entire career with the Washington Nationals had to retire early due to injury, a problem that constantly plagued his career. When he was healthy though, Strasburg shined. On his resume are three Cy Young Awards, eight All-Star appearances, and a World Series MVP. In total he has two World Series rings. He got his first in 2015 with the Washington Nationals. His second didn’t come until later in his career when he was closing for the Cleveland Indians, who finally win another World Series after a smallpox outbreak that wipes out the American League West. Strasburg was humbled by the honor, thanking the fans and long-term teammate Bryce Harper who currently plays for the New York Yankees making 250 million dollars a year.
The second inductee is Starlin Castro. After struggling in 2013, Castro turned things around the following season. Castro led the league in hits two seasons in his career and was a key component in the playoff run the Chicago Cubs made in 2019. If not for Steve Bartman Jr. running onto the field in vengeance for his father during game seven, the Cubs would have finally won another World Series. Castro finished his career just below 3,000 hits, but that didn’t seem to hurt him when it came to the vote. Castro will best be remembered for his ironman like ability to take the field every day and for getting traded away from the Chicago Cubs in a deal that sent the franchise back 10 years.
The third inductee is Buster Posey. A consistent career whether his team was winning or losing, the lifelong San Francisco Giant surely earned his spot in Cooperstown. Posey finished his career with a lifetime .305 batting average and 352 home runs. His crowning achievement of course was his walk-off squeeze bunt in a playoff game against the Houston Astros who were put back into the National League to “shake things up.” Squeeze plays of course as we know became more popular in the early 2020s when Major League Baseball moved the fences back 600 feet as well as the mound back another 40 to stay somewhat consistent. The walls were moved back to increase the amount of inside the park home runs, something the public could convince themselves happens because of speed, not cyborg strength.
Our final inductee this year is Pete Rose. Rose who was given a lifetime ban for gambling on the game had his ban lifted this year after he saved Commissioner Bud Selig from being attacked by a clan of mutant bats. And yes, due to medical advancements Rose and Selig are still very much alive in 2033. And yes, Selig is still the commissioner. The 98-year-old Selig felt he had to lift the ban on Rose after his heroic efforts. Conspiracy theorists continue to speculate that Rose was the one who sent the mutant bats at Selig in the first place. Nobody really cares though, as they originally didn’t care throughout the 1990s, 2000s, 2010s, and 2020s about his admitted gambling. Rose shed some tears at the ceremony, saying he had placed a bet that he would never make it into Cooperstown and because the ban was lifted he would be losing his home. There’s just no winning for all-time hit king.
Of course, things can change. This is just one timeline for our future.
Tim Boyle is a lifelong baseball fan. You can read more about his sports commentary at Miami Carlins Fantasy Baseball.