In the past, fitting into society was the driving power behind everyone’s decisions. In the current day and age those with something different to offer are becoming more widely accepted as every day passes. I am a twenty year old bisexual from Elkton, Md, and every day I fight with society and myself to be recognized as who I truly am.
While part of me is a proud bisexual woman, there is a part of me that wonders every day why I am the way that I am. I catch myself looking at women in the same way society says I should be looking at men, and these rules set up by society make me question my character based on something I cannot change. On bad days, I think of myself as gross and diseased. On my strong days, which are now most days, I recognize my bisexuality as something with no bigger effect on me than the color of my hair or my opinion on politics; all of which are things I should share with the world, proudly.
Due to the fact that I was raised in a home of split ideals, I myself struggle to accept who I am. When I told my mother I was bisexual she simply said “okay”. However, when I told my father, I met a strong resistance to accept the idea and a shake of the head. How can I be proud of me if my own father can barely look at me knowing that I am a bisexual? Granted, I need to be able to be proud of who I am regardless of what anyone else thinks. This is a concept I must constantly, actively try to remember.
There is only one way I am able to accept and love myself every day, and that is my faith and love in God. God knows me better than I even know myself, and he accepts every aspect of who I am. So, in this day to day battle of trying to be proud of myself and find free love in society, I turn my worries into prayers and find a deep calm in the Lord Jesus Christ. Homosexuality, like many other things, is a sin, but Jesus loves me anyways. Why should anyone else have more to say than he does? Some days, God and I confront my bisexuality as a battle and a challenge to overcome. Other days, we embrace this oddity in me and accept it as a change from the norm that could be beneficial to me. Either way, God and I make decisions to together and he helps me calm the demon that is my sexuality.
Bisexuality is not a joke. It is a demon battled with daily by multiple people. The idea of having a sexual orientation that is not already widely accept is scary and humbling. However, no matter what obstacles may be put in my way due to my sexuality, I fight each day with a faith and hope in Jesus Christ and face the day as courageously as possible.