Married with Children
So here’s the thing…Jason’s getting married tomorrow! Yes, Married with a capital M. He gave me a one week heads up. He told me not too long after that dreadful day in front of my house. He decided to ask the girl to marry him so that he could do right by the baby. This came as no surprise to me, because I knew he’d do what he considered to be the right thing.
I didn’t react well. I wasn’t supportive either. Here’s how that went: He called and said he had something to tell me. I said okay and he just blurted out the news and said, “Lisa, I’m getting married in a week.” After I picked up my jaw, I came back with, “But you don’t love her, you love me. How is marriage going to change that or did you lie about loving her?” He paused and said, “Well, she’s going to be the mother of my child, so I guess I’m going to try. That’s the least I can do.”
“You still didn’t answer the question. Do you love her or not?”
“Lisa, did you hear what I just said…I said I was going to try.”
“Yeah, I heard you, but it was muffled by the sound of my heart breaking.”
“Lisa, don’t start with that drama. I don’t need that right now.”
“Okay, I guess ‘what about me,’ would be a dumb question to ask. You’ve made your decision. So I guess that’s it.”
“Oh, it’s like that, huh?”
“I don’t know what else you want me to say. Do I think you’ll be a great father? Yes. Are you doing the right thing? Maybe you are to you, but not to me because you don’t even love that girl. I actually think this is dumb and I don’t understand why we’re even having this conversation. Your decision has been made. There’s no us, there’s no we, there’s no more me, and there’s no more you.”
“Can we at least be friends?”
“Are you serious? NO!!!! We can’t be friends. It would be unrealistic for you to think that could even happen!”
“Because I’m too attracted to you, and I believe that you’re attracted to me. It would be irresponsible on both our parts to fake like we can just be friends. I’m not willing to put myself on the backburner of your heart just to exist as your friend. I don’t want to just be your friend, and I’m not going sit and watch you be in a relationship with someone that’s not me. How could you even ask me something like that?”
“I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I wish it didn’t have to be this way…”
“Whatever, Jason, it didn’t have to be…this is what you chose, not me. Goodbye.” (click)
I was never one to say goodbye on the phone, so it was even weird to hear myself say it out loud. My conversations would typically end with, alright, talk to you soon, let me hit you back, okay, love ya, love you too, call me if you need anything…but never good-bye. Jason tried to call me back, but I didn’t pick up. He sent me a text but I didn’t respond. All it said was, “Lisa, I still love you.” This was the last thing I wanted to hear from the person that I was loving, who up until a couple of days ago was about to be mine officially. This really sucked.
And why was this happening to me? Why now? For real…is this how this was going to end? I had been praying for Jason or at least I had been praying for somebody to love me like Jason. He had all of what I wanted up until a few days ago! I thought that my prince charming was finally here and that we were about to ride off into the sunset with love leading the way.
Boy, was I wrong…