If all couples contemplating marriage were required by law to undergo mandatory pre-marriage counseling, with special emphasis on maturity and relationships, “divorce” would be a word used in hushed tones in civilized societies.
Instead, not only is it a common place word but it is also a ominous reminder of the dissolution of nearly half of all marriages that take place. It is bad news when you consider that 50% of all couples marrying today have no more than a fifty-fifty chance of being together 5-7 years from now.
The fact is that when women meet someone who makes them feel good, they tend to believe that he is the ideal match for them. Men, on the other hand, are a lonely species. They will happily surrender their freedom to a woman, who besides being attractive brings in a new sense of importance to their lives. The script of courtship runs in such a way that both partners thoroughly enamored with one another seldom foresee a hitch in their forthcoming union. In reality, it is the old story of being more in love with “love” than with each other.
Courtship and marriage is all about the whirlwind days when reality takes a back seat, and all hopes and aspirations are tucked away for the unforeseeable future. And, unfortunately, this is as far as it goes. It is not long before the cracks and the fissures begin to appear. Staring in your face are the inadequacies and incompatibilities you so chose to ignore. Add to this a prolonged sense of expectation and a false sense of self-importance, and the recipe for disaster is complete.
At the outset, it is only fair to point out that this article is not about couples indulging in physical violence, abuse or drug addiction. Neither is it about couples who were left with no choice but to marry, or those who lead adulterous lives in complete violation of the sanctity of marriage laws. This is about couples from all walks of life that include doctors, accountants, executives and secretaries who having achieved some degree of success in their academic and professional lives, fail so miserably in their personal relationships. Yet, it is among these that society may some day applaud for their contribution in other walks of life.
Few couples realize what it takes for a marriage to work. For one thing a marriage is never static. It needs the constant effort of both the partners to keep it moving on the upward path. When there is lack of effort in a relationship, love is the first casualty. Your partner can sense when you are disappointed in him or her, even if you try to hide it.
Most separations happen when a marriage, which seemed a great idea at one time, turns out to be not such a good thing, after all. In marriage, a failure of communication generally implies that disappointment becomes so profound that one partner has begun to withdraw. And neither of the partners are serious about doing anything about it. Sadly, few couples realize how far they have moved apart until it seems too late.
The belief that divorce makes people happier after they leave a sad marriage is seldom true. Neither does it eliminate their depression or restore their self esteem. Remember, no matter the minor irritations, a marriage will not end if both people want to save it. Fortunately, before diving headlong into a divorce, many couples opt for other choices, such as marriage counseling or a trial separation. During this period the pattern of life undergoes a change. When couples reunite after a separation all they need is to put in an extra measure of work.
Many have reported that the fear of losing one so precious has brought them closer than ever before. With due commitment and respect for one another any marriage can emerge happier and stronger.