The other day, my husband and I were driving to the store. My husband has had a cold for a few days, and he’s been living with tissues. Suddenly, very casually, he rolled down his window and spit a glob of phlegm into the street. I was horrified. “What if that blew back into the car?” I asked.
“So? It’s not poison.”
Ewww. That got me thinking. There are a lot of things men take for granted that most women would never dream of doing. A few weeks ago, we were driving down a long, barren road in the Florida Everglades. Three very large male motorcyclists had stopped on the edge of the road and were, um, ahem, relieving themselves. If I ever had to stop on the side of the road, I’d either hide behind the car or walk so far into the woods, I might risk getting eaten by a bear. I would never stand on the side of the road and urinate so casually.
Men love to show off in ways that are physically dangerous. Oh, sure, there may be women who like to show off; they wear skirts too short and heels too high or they try dangerous stunts to impress a potential boyfriend. But you’ll rarely see a woman risking life and limb to get a man’s attention. Men, on the other hand, will dangle from a high wire, split their bodies in half, drive like maniacs and attempt to climb just about anything if they think a woman will be impressed. Teenage boys are the absolute worst. Have you ever watched the television show, America’s Funniest Home Videos? Sometimes it’s a miracle any boys make it to adulthood.
Men always pretend to know exactly what they’re doing when they don’t have a clue. Suggest a guy on a trip should stop and ask directions, and he’ll be downright insulted. You might as well just go along with the circuitous route and enjoy the ride. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your driver will be lost in a scenic area.
Men love fire. From bonfires to barbeques, men have trouble controlling their inner arsonists. Let them go — you never know when you’ll be stuck somewhere in a log cabin in the snow and someone will have to figure out how to start a fire to save you from freezing to death.
This brings me to the subject of why men do some of the crazy things they do. Is it perhaps that they are channeling their inner Cro-Magnon man? These early ancestors were big and strong hunters who went after the big game. Or maybe the craziness has to do with display behavior, similar to the type of puffy plumage male birds show off to get the attention of their female counterparts.
The next time your man does something wild, stupid, crazy or just plain absurd, try to consider it a compliment. You should be flattered that he’s so intent on getting your attention.