COMMENTARY | The 2013 MLB season is nearly upon us, which means it is time to dust off every pun-tastic team name imaginable for another year of fantasy baseball.
Here are the top ten fantasy baseball team names to try out in 2013:
The Evil Kempire
With much of the New York Yankees’ roster either on the disabled list, or heading there, the 2013 season will need a new team to step into the villain role. After the Los Angeles Dodgers cracked open their piggy bank in free agency, Matt Kemp now leads a team that is starting to feel like the National League’s answer to that “Evil Empire” in pinstripes.
Angels in the Troutfield
The movie “Angels in the Outfield” and the Los Angeles Angels’ second-year star, Mike Trout, are a fantasy match made in, well, heaven.
Thanks to Ryan Braun’s offseason ties to the Biogenesis clinic in Miami, Fla., he will likely be the butt of many fantasy baseball jokes this season.
The K/9 Unit
This name gives owners the ability to sound menacing, while also nodding to an advanced stat to show off their baseball acumen. In case you were wondering, the Atlanta Braves’ closer, Craig Kimbrel, was the leader of the “K/9 Unit” in 2012 when he recorded 16.66 punch-outs per nine innings of work.
Under Construction Since 1908
The Chicago Cubs have not won a World Series in 104 years, and if it feels like you are heading towards a similar level of inferiority in the fantasy world, this name might be a good fit.
Jeters Never Prosper
If baseball is America’s favorite pastime, then a close second would have to be the collective hatred of the New York Yankees. The perennial powerhouse may be heading for a rare down year, so now is the time to throw some jabs at Derek Jeter and the Bronx Bombers while you can.
The Soo Choo Trains
After trading for Shin-Soo Choo in the offseason, the Cincinnati Reds are hoping to ride the “Soo Choo train” to a World Series title.
Stop. Hammel Time!
Jason Hammel helped lead the upstart Baltimore Orioles to a surprise playoff appearance in 2012. If Baltimore hopes for an encore performance, they had better get a lot more “Hammel Time” in 2013.
Tulo-git to Quit
Troy Tulowitzki signed a 10-year, $157 million contract with the Colorado Rockies in 2011. Let’s just hope he doesn’t use MC Hammer’s financial advisor. If Tulo starts taking batting practice in gold parachute pants, it may already be too late.
No Soup for Yu
Yu Darvish ranked No. 5 in strikeouts in the American League (221) during his rookie season. Many batters will likely be leaving the dish empty handed again in 2013.
Anthony Schreiber is a freelance sportswriter based in “Braves Country.” He has penned articles for a variety of online publications and magazines.